"That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets..."

So, I promised a blog about “eventually warming up to dating”(somehow I got a comment on the last blog claiming I’m a “dick tease”)—so, here goes.



So it occurred to me as I was talking to Mama Corene on the phone (Side Note: for any of you who KNOW my mother, you can imagine me practically talking to MYSELF…same gestures and tone of voice – minus the bitchiness) that everyone thinks I’m crazy lonely. She asked how things were going—the staple question she starts every conversation out with. After our normal “Did you pay your bills with my money?…” conversation we had our “Did you pay your bills…out of YOUR OWN checking account and want me to put money in it now?” conversation (and the answer is yes – I paid my own bills for once – pat on the back for me!) followed by a “so are you dating anyone but please don't tell me about getting naked with them?” conversation. This last one is rare. Usually she likes to hear stories about my dating disasters (is that weird considering I never go on dates she’s my mother?), but this time she wanted to have that “I know you’re busy…but you should really go out and give someone who doesn't work in an Irish pub a chance” type conversation.


Whoa there, lady. This is where you’re losing me. My family continually tells me how super bitchy “complex” I am and how most dudes don’t understand me, hence why I’m obviously single. I think my mother lovingly put it as “You know, Kara…not EVERYONE gets married but really we're saying this to make you feel better.” Isn’t that like an indirect way of telling someone they are an un-dateable troll who will die alone with lots of cats and find themselves running around the house singing the "Meow Mix" song everytime someone uses the microwave? Yeah, that’s what I thought too. Welllllll, anyways…so here we are discussing dating and she asks me about my inability to attract romantic prospects.


(Here’s where I think it gets alot less interesting…)


I answer “I have…some crazy ones.” She doesn’t buy this. She knows me better than this. She says “so, there are GUYS interested in you, but you’re only interested in ONE of them, right?” Damn. Ok…fine. I give these guys nicknames. I call them by a letter (so she can't form a bias opinion in case I decide I really like this guy and don't want her to know the crazy stuff from the beginning)  and describe my interaction with all them. “This guy is a friend of _____, he’s cool, but I can’t see us ever getting naked together hanging out alone….ever.” “This guy is AWESOME, but I’m not really into him as more than friends and don't want to see him naked.” “This guy and I have NOTHING in common because he strikes me as the type who plays Dungeons & Dragons on Friday night.” “This guy is the perfect guy…for someone else.” “This guy I like.” “This guy is coming on too strong…” You get the point**…


**Before you think I’m a crazy whore but I'm pretty sure to be a whore you have to actually HAVE sex, I’ve only been on a date with ONE of these guys. As in date, as in NOT touching middles….Just thought I’d clarify…Also, I’m single. I’m allowed to be picky and take my time deciding who I like. If a guy isn’t willing to put in the effort to make me like him/keep me interested than why should I go to extraordinary lengths to do the same? Exactly.

So, back to the point. When did dating become this complicated? Why isn’t it about a guy, who is interested in a girl – so he asks her out. She either says yes or no and they go on about it. Sometimes they go on dates – sometimes he sends her flowers because he totally messed up and he knows it – sometimes she surprises him with thoughtful little gifts or sometimes it’s random texts during the middle of the day to let him know “Hey, I just wanted to say I'm thinking about you…” or sometimes they banter back and forth about who really spilled the beer almost like they’re really good friends – who just happen to like each other. It’s supposed to be like a really awesome friendship (that, most likely, involves touching middles at some point), right? So when did it become all this other crap that makes it completely unappealing?


Bottom line; if I’m doing to do this “dating” thing, I’m going to do it on my terms because I'm a total control freak in relationships. You want to date me? Fine. Be normal but don't be typical. Don’t go all psycho hosebeast on me for things I warn you about (i.e. I hopefully don't make boys cry  am not very emotional-- I show emotion that usually means I'm mad, but in my own way …), don’t threaten not to talk to me if I don’t react the way you want me to, and for SURE, don’t think dating/touching/stalking my friends is a good idea. These things seem obvious to everyone who  isn't a moron, right?.... hah

I am open to the idea of dating….the right person. So whoever this person is, he should continue to be EXACTLY the person he is when I decide/decided I like/liked him. He should be able to make me laugh …and joke around with me…and be really sweet to me when I’m having a bad day… and send me texts to tell me he was thinking about me and definitely wants to see me naked. These small things are the difference between me actively wanting to date you, and doing the fade out and never speaking to you again losing interest really quick.


Conclusion: I’m complex. I really am. I’m so complex, I’m almost too simple. It’s like a trick question…do I require fancy things or grand gestures? No. I just like a little bit laughter with a little bit of quirkiness thrown in there somewhere. ~K