"...Always kiss me goodnight."

Sometimes, the most dangerous lines are the ones we create for ourselves. This line between what we want and what’s good for us seems to always be me never knowing the difference changing…transforming into instantly regretting things something that clouds our thought process and makes it hard to decipher what we really started out believing.


It’s these lines between “I want this when it's good” and “No way am I putting up with this so I'm out, good luck ever changing my mind” that seem to change over time – develop into it “maybe I should reconsider how great you are” and “I totally overreacted like usual.” It’s a strange sort of things, really. It leaves us uneasy and confused – grasping to this revelation that perhaps WE as imperfect humans made THE WRONG CHOICE but never want to own up to it.


I admit it. From rarely time to time, I make the wrong choice. Instead of stopping to really consider the situation at hand, I fly off the deep end and lose all capacity to care cling to these random acts of stubbornness and decide shutting off is the only thing I"m used to doing really easier than compromising – opening up, really trying to understand someone else’s point of view. (In all fairness, I feel like mine is often overlooked, but that’s just a part of communication we’ll all have to grow and learn from.)


Then again, maybe it’s these over dramatic moments of passion that develop our relationships into what they are meant to be. I can honestly say within this past weekend, I’ve had, AT LEAST, three thousand moments of revelation where I find myself saying “all the evidence would point to this ridiculous idea that I’m/was…WRONG.”


How crazy would it be if we all had a Pensieve like Dumbledore who is gay according to the internet did in Harry Potter?


“The Pensieve is an object used to review memories. It has the appearance of a shallow stone basin, into which are carved runes and strange symbols. It is filled with a silvery substance that appears to be a cloud-like liquid/gas; the collected memories of people who have siphoned their recollections into it. Memories can then be viewed from a third-person point of view...”


Dumbledore: "I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one's mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one's leisure. It becomes easier to spot patterns and links, you understand, when they are in this form."
Harry: "You mean... that stuff's your thoughts?"
Dumbledore: "Certainly."
— Albus Dumbledore to Harry Potter[src]



We’d all be super SCREWED. We’d watch ourselves lash out and act like the elected mayor of Crazytown over and over again from a much different standpoint. It if makes you feel any better, I’ll give you a personal example of something I'd never tell you if I weren't writing this blog. Literally, if you could obtain a pensieve at this physical moment and extract a memory out of my brain minus the dirty ones, this would be at least top 5; You’d see me…having my own little mental breakdown…on a day, much like any other day – on my way home from work screaming at the unfortunate person on the other ernd of the phone, except that this is only like the second time I’ve driven this way so I’m uber confused and frustrated as I take the exit to my road -- trying to remember which right hand turn I make before hitting the stop light and knowing I’ve gone too far. Hum…. Confusing. To stop this off, add frustration from having a new job, that I’m not really all that good at and trying to figure out where all of this stuff is going to go…how will I move ALL these things in less than 3 weeks? Stressed. Out. I perhaps, though I can’t be 100% certain, reacted…terribly. To make a long story short…I have this imagine BURNED into my brain of pasta… penne noodles with red sauce to be exact – sitting on my stove; warm – waiting for me… and I swear I will never forget that moment. LINES. Dangerous lines we cross we can’t find our way back from.


Another one would be a conversation that existed that created 8 LONG months of silence that almost killed me…or that awful car ride where everything that was said came out completely more offensive that it was ever imagined and I could literally feel that relationship slipping away with each moment that passed…I could go on with these forever… these are the moments that destroy relationships. We all know we can’t change the past…but we can certainly LEARN from it, right?We should all own a Pensieve…so we can watch ourselves – our reactions, and assess the situation with less emotion and A LOT more understanding.


Does anyone really ever sit back and think why do I read this crazy bitch's blog? “What if this is the last time I do THIS with this person?” (This has a point – really, it does!) I’ve decided something. I look terrible in yellow There’s this idea, that if we lived each day like it was our last, we’d live a life really worth living….so, if we react in each moment like it’s our LAST interaction, would we take careful consideration to be better people? I’d like to think so. New plan: React with your heart you know, not the CRAZY part, the rest will follow. ~K