After the holidays, I am always in kind of a “funk.” It’s hard to explain, but mostly it’s me driving home from work and missing all the Christmas lights, the XM station dedicated to Christmas songs that I could totally listen to 24/7, and the overall “Christmas-y atmosphere.” This does NOT, however, include all this crazy snow. Sure, I drive an SUV, but if I get in a wreck because we all know what a great driver I am, I’m pretty sure an SUV being flipped over and tossed down the side of a highway into a ditch would make me pee myself is just as scary as it happening in a car….JUST A THOUGHT…
My life seems CRAZY all the time right now. Apparently, I’ve decided things you don't seem to get being up at 5:30am is something all the cool people are doing, because for the last 2 weeks I’ve been waking up at 5:30am, having a bowl of cereal, and watching the traffic report like it’s my religion. I really am this scared of bad weather – kinda insane, right? Wrong. I will tell you what’s INSANE…what’s insane is all the people in this city who still drive 100mph, swerving in and out of lanes every day of my freakin commute to work when it’s bad outside. That kinda scares me. People are like “oh, if you drive slower, you’ll be fine…” Yes, but what if everyone else is driving fast? Doesn’t that violate the very laws of physics that you can’t go faster than the person in front of you? Everyone else seems to fail to realize this as they swerve past me, almost causing ME to wreck on the icy patches of highway where there’s nowhere to go but into the cement walls or oncoming traffic. Apparently, Kansas City has decided the best way to avoid getting in accidents is trying to get to your destination as fast as you possibly can.
Aside from my life being ruled by shopping traffic – I’ve been domesticating myself…and actually, quite by accident because my parents wont hire me a maid--RUDE. Upon realizing how often I am eating out (not always in the dirty way, creepos…) or making the same things for dinner every night—I’ve tried my hand at cooking more often. Example: Last night I made chicken breasted marinated in poppy seed dressing lightly seasoned with a garlic rub, along side a pasta dish consisting of peppercorn infused noodles with an olive oil sauce, garlic and rosemary seasoning, topped with fresh goat cheese. Delish. Not that I’ve come close to Natalie’s culinary masterpieces, but I’m doing pretty good considering I only cook for one person and I wouldn't admit if my cooking sucked…which leads me to…
Isn’t it RIDIUCLOUS to be single? If paying rent (or a mortgage – whichever category you fall into) isn’t hard enough, try adding on all your bills (which aren’t cheaper b/c only one person watches the cable and not seven) and the cost of eating alone and boozin' all the time to feel better about it. It’s not like any food that is GOOD for you comes in individual servings—it’s seriously hard to buy fruit knowing you’re either throwing half of it away or eating a SHIT ton of grapes for the next week. Seriously? I love grapes as most as the next person, but really only so many servings of those things I want per day…same with bananas…I’ve mastered the art of eating bananas, making banana shakes, and cutting up banana slices to eat in oatmeal…all these things we go through to make being single cost efficient. You know what would make being single cost efficient? Having a sugar daddy. Yeah, I can’t really think of anything to add here. Not that I’m advocating everyone be in a relationship ever so you don’t have to think of 1,000 ways to use bananas, but maybe it’d save us from throwing food away or buying weird looking chunks of pineapple in those single serving fruit containers that they make the price 3x what buying an ACTUAL pineapple costs, making buying fruit completely ridiculous…
Let’s just keep single people fat. Say “screw it, you want apples? You better make some freakin’ pie, have plenty of peanut butter, and make crazy salads, because otherwise those apples are going to WASTE.” Also – making food WITH the food we are trying not to throw away is a perpetual cycle of being wasteful all over again. How many times do you think I can have cranberry/walnut/apple/goat cheese salad before I don’t want freaking salad anymore? ‘Tis the life of the single person. I need to enlist in an eating buddy...somebody that comes over and lets me eat food off of them merely for sexual and culinary enjoyment (this is not exactly nothing like a friend with privileges for those who are thinking it’s a good tie-in…) but if a bottle of wine is opened and cuddling on the couch while watching movies happens…well – it won’t. hahaha Not unless you are a person I would do that with regardless and I probably won't let any of you in on that one...
REVELATION. I need to date someone who likes watching movies, drinking wine, and my cooking…..sounds easy, right? Here’s the catch; this person also has to put up with my RIDIUCLOUSLY bitchy anal retentive way of making sure you don’t touch ANYTHING and the remotes/placemats/anything you accidentally touch ends up back where it was when you found it. That’s probably my crazy, right there… I have more than just space issues. For instance, if you don’t mind having one little teeny, tiny space to keep your stuff in? Well, we should get MARRIED, because we’d be perfect for each other. I love decorating and I need more than one closest for the hoards of clothes I can't quit buying own…other than that overwhelming list that, I’m not even close to a catch…right? Hahaha Oh golly….
I’m just going to have an arranged marriage, I think. I’m going to ARRANGE to marry someone I think is HOT and kinf of a nerd and can put up with my stubbornness and insatiable need to be RIGHT…all the time. Haha I think this gets more complicated as I write…I have so much a little more crazy than I thought. Well, as my friends and I discussed the other night; “Being happy with someone is finding someone that can put up with your crazy, as well as being able to handle the insane shit they do too.” We’ll see if this is ever a reality. Here’s hoping! ~K
A new year…a new shower rod? Yup. My shower rod broke the other day – tell me how THAT happens? It took me FOREVER to get both shower curtains back on the new tension rod I bought. Then I had to make the stupid thing tight enough between the walls it wouldn’t fall…AGAIN…It must have fallen 50 times in the process of me finally getting it up there. I put it ALLLLLL the way at the top of the shower and being all of 5’3 and a half, it takes a lot of force, and careful teetering on the bathtub ledge, to get that shower curtain up and positioned correctly. It kicked my ass and almost made me cry. It made me really miss demanding having a guy around to do that kind of stuff for me…so if any of you guys out there are looking for a side job clothes optional, you are free to come lift/carry heavy items, fix things that are broken, and POUND into my…walls place…with nails and hang things for me. It would be much appreciated. Becker does some of this stuff for me, but given that Ameristar is an evil corporation, they’ve sent him away for 3 weeks and I’m left to my own devices….which is in no way an implication that Becker does the same things to me that I would need a device for in his absence…I just threw up in my mouth a little digress….
Point being; I miss good ‘ol fashioned trying to impress me chivalry. Doors being held open or guys offering to help me up to my apartment to take my clothes off with my groceries when I have 59,043,454 bags of stuff to carry. Here’s a good one – how about a nice back rub every now and then to say “i'm probably gonna touch you wow, you look naked tense, Kara…you just need to relax.” Yup. I’m taking applications.
Another exciting thing about 2011? Well, nothing yet. It just started. On that note, I start classes next week and I am totally not looking forward to that in any way, shape, or form, but I AM looking forward to being just a little bit closer to finishing my Master’s degree just so I can say I have one...so alas, school wins.
Work? Well it’s…work. Dating? HAH. Yeah, me…dating and admitting to it. I will say I miss being asked on dates…not “hey, whatcha doing tonight? Wanna do it hang out?” I miss the actual “I would love to see you tonight even if you say you won't sleep with me” texts followed by “How about dinner or a movie, or we just go somewhere and talk with no expectations that you'll sleep with me?” I am totally turning into a romantic comedy. SICK. NASTY. Somewhere between the large doses of Sudafed and inability to sleep for more than an hour at a time, I’ve decided I miss going on actual, legitimate dates. This may be short lived, but for now…we’ll say I’m more OPEN to the idea. So if you want to go on a date…I guess you better hope I like you and was SPECIFICALLY posting this so YOU"D ask and not get the wrong idea and think I mean just any 'ol dude who crawls out of the ditch... there's no time like the present...mostly b/c I change my mind alot, so tomrorow I might rethink this whole thing.
*Disclaimer: I reserve the right to go “OH, HELLLLLLL NO” when being asked out by anyone. So if you feel that response is likely in your future, I’d probably refrain…
Next point of business – I really love that stupid movie based off of Molly Shannon’s Saturday Night Live character Mary Catherine Gallagher called “Superstar.” Putting a DVD player and tv in my bathroom so I could watch movies while I get ready in the mornings has really just got me addicted to really stupid movies. I will just follow this up by saying – you’ve been warned. Mary Catherine Gallaher quotes may ensue in future posts…so get ready for that…
I almost forgot. My New Year’s Resolution…is to… be nicer to guys. HAHAHAHAHA. Wow, kidding. It is to eat better and get back into working out and dance. Between work, not really school, and well…drinking everything in sight, I’ve started slacking on that. My other resolution? To talk to the coolest guy I already know meet someone and be open to maybe having these "emotions" that everyone keeps talking about. ~K
