“Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.” -Issac Newton

Ugh…a Science Life Lessons. Written in the key of geek.  Newton’s Third Law of Motion stats that;

“The mutual forces of action and reaction between two bodies are equal, opposite and collinear. This means that whenever a first body exerts a force F on a second body, the second body exerts a force −F on the first body. F and −F are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction. This law is sometimes referred to as the action-reaction law, with F called the "action" and −F the "reaction".”

More simply put, Newton was saying for every action, there is an equal,yet opposite, reaction. Example? I alwaysYou drink too much beer/liquor (the action) you will get carried out of the bar super hammered (the reaction.) It could lead to a chain of events whereas you end up in jail (BIGGER reaction.) Side Note: Probably a good idea not to get caught so not to go to jail…

What’s the point in this? Nothing we do in life is without consequence. Life is literally a sequence of action/reaction events. Everything we say, do, even our facial expressions--affects everything about the outcome of our day. Pretty much, we have actions that, in turn, determine where our lives are headed. In the aforementioned scenario, we could drink less shots and double up on the beers, therefore stopping us from getting drunk – which stops the entire chain of bad events that follows. Here’s the problem. Do we do things, knowing they are bad for us? Do we really ever think about the consequences of our actions?

It would seem as though it’s human nature to do things without thinking them through. As a relationship ends, do we stop and think “Had I just done this ONE thing different... or” I might regret this later?” No. Probably not. There in lies the problem. I feel like it is innate in us to just go with the moment without really thinking of the consequences. I find myself pondering this quite often. My train of thoughts seems to always start with "Why aren't we naked?" “Why did he/she do/say this?! Now I’m just angry/happy/upset/sexually frustrated/indifferent about them/the situation.” End of story. Decision made. Fate sealed for whatever situation I’m in. (Horrible, but trueReaction.)

I feel like when it comes to life in a more general sense, my life is more closely related to some cheesey romantic comedy with no real purpose and nothing gets resolved Newton’s First Law of Motion:

 “An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. An object in motion continues in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.”

This means that there is a natural tendency of objects to keep on doing what they're doing. All objects resist changes in their state of motion. In the absence of an unbalanced force, an object in motion will maintain this state of motion. Confused on what I mean? I’m literally saying "Sorry for partyin" “I will likely resist changes to what I want want/think/feel/believe if you are pushing me to do it.” More often than not, I feel like people learn this the hard way. Character flaw? Per haps – or, just maybe, quite possibly….I am what I am. (I’m pretty sure Dr. Suess said something like this - What person can disagree with this logic?)

For everyone else who reads this and thinks, god, Kara - shut up how is any of this relevant? Well, it is. Force is what drives life. It’s the biggest deciding factor on whether we decide to end a relationship, quit our job on a whim, or act like a total psycho for no reason. (Action) Force is an enabler. It’s created out of passion. No matter what the action, there is the inevitable reaction. For those of us who flow through life, trying to maintain our constant state of being, well…there’s force there too. An absolute love for our life – just the way it is. ~K

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places" – Ernest Hemingway

Obstacles. There are many in life. Whether these obstacles are physical or emotional, we all create barriers that keep us from actively moving forward. Some people like to refer to this, in the non literal sense, as “a wall”…built so strategically, we use it as an emotional tool to keep others out. Not impossible to tear down, just….difficult. We all build walls for reasons. Why? Our hearts were broken? We broke someone else’s heart and don't feel bad at all all that’s left is guilt? We are holding on to some dark secret we are careful who we pick and choose to share it with? Whatever your reason may be, we all have some form of crazy emotional baggage.


More specifically, we’re all broken. Something, (usually quite often, someone) or some tragedy, of sorts has broken our spirit – caused us to face the world differently, with a little more cynicism and hostility than we’d like. Quite possibly, I’m one of the best examples of this; I’ve buried countless people that I’m close to, shut my emotions off to the point where my personal relationships are destroyed, and more often than not, been unwilling to be understanding in situations that require me to see some else’s perspective. I’m definitely a b*tch stubborn – quite possibly, to a fault.

What does all this mean? We should take these opportunities to better ourselves from the things that seek to destroy us. Without getting all “cunty culty-religious-type” on you, what I mean by that is that each day holds a new opportunity for us to fix what something/someone has broken. Referencing a quote made in a previous post, you have to see the world as worth taking risks. Are the things you want out of life, worth the risks you are taking? How about when it comes to love? Do I -- the biggest advocate of NO FEELINGS ever -- believe above all things, that love is worth the risk? SometimesAbsolutely. Risk anything and everything for love, because if you don’t, it won’t survive. We’ll all seen enough romantic comedies to realize that if Jimmy Fallon doesn’t risk giving up baseball for Drew Barrymore, she’s gonna talk out of the side of her mouth because it annoys me make gross, smiley babies with the sloshed dude hanging out at her apartment after the big breakup scene (Drew Barrymore, you are a slutty beast…)

What about everything else in life? There are always risks involved. Whether you move away from a city, not able to face the bad memories you’ve created there, or eventually move back once you figure out there is life beyond tragedy -- it’s all about how you assess the risk. Personal example: Had I stayed in Lawrence? I would be living day to day, working the same job or becoming a stripper, and never really bettering myself as far as a career advancement opportunity – but, would it be worth it? I’d get to see Sarah (my sister) and Cooper (my precious nephew) more, but would that REALLY be what’s best for me? Can I let my own personal tragedies make me scared to face the world without them close to me? The answer: Tear down those walls. Become a stronger person -- A person who can be out on their own, who makes a life for themselves, makes great friends, and remembers how even in our worst moments, we can find strength in the last place we least thought possible – ourselves. Side Note: Do not discredit your close friends/family, these people are always needed in times of weakness. If you can think of 5 people that would be there if tragedy struck your life – then count yourself lucky.

The strength I refer to is not just physical strength to get your emotional wreck of a former person butt out of bed – but mostly, emotional strength. It’s like a domino effect. I have always been the type of girl who relied on guys to change light bulbs, help me carry groceries up to my apartment, pressure me to try new things (branch out of my little “Kara” box Side Note: I did not mean that in the diry way),etc., -- However, for the past few months, I’ve really been into doing these kinds of things MYSELF. I even bought a little step stool so I can reach stuff on the high shelves. Small in the grand scheme of things, but empowering nonetheless.

Bottom line: Relationships (of all kinds) at some point, become a relation-sh*t aren’t always good. They break our spirits. They wear us down. They make us feel like tomorrow is going to be worse than today. The only thing we can really do is create barriers. Things that help us block out all those bad memories. Then we heal. We find things that make us want to tear down the walls. We find people worth our time that are willing to overcome each obstacle we’ve created for them. The thing about those people? Worth the risk. You could be missing out on more than you ever thought possible. These are those small defining moments when you realize obstacles are created, but the more we do to overcome them, the more we can say we’ve truly lived. ~K

"There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy... Her heart." - Milk Money

Love. Something most people really wish didn't exist only want to fess up to once a year, (February 14th, people…come on!) but few really want to actively maintain. What brings me to the subject so abruptly on a random Tuesday afternoon? It’s a few things, really. As I get older, I get more cynical I see all my friends settling down (getting married) and shatting out little ones (or, having babies) and I have to wonder, in some weird way, does it bother them that they have to get fat for another person is the meaning of life REALLY loving another person or are we setting ourselves up for disappointment? (I’m, for sure, not as shallow deep as I just made myself appear – haha)

I think we all want to truly believe someone loves us we do/have love/ loved another person. Myself – Personally? I feel like there are varying degrees of love. I loved my stuffed animals when I was little, but they got raggedy and I got barbies. Then, when I finally moved on to boys, I found them boring when all they wanted to do was play Power Rangers at lunch (that, and if I wasn’t the pink one – I wasn’t playing!) Fast forward a bit, and you find me in high school. I had serious boyfriends, but no matter how close I got to them, I was a total bitch to them and some lack of interest lingered at the back of my mind, eventually leading to the demise of those relationships.


Fast forward a little more. College. Here’s where it gets tricky. I meet my first real boyfriend that I can have stay over in my dorm room and touch without adult supervision and I feel like we went too far to the other side. I think we literally got sick at the sight of each other, because we got so used to spending every waking moment together. Pause. Isn’t that how it goes though? At the beginning of a relationship, all we want to do is be around another person and before long we’re like “Omg, the sight of you makes me wanna vomit stab you in the eye with a dull knife.” Balance. Finding a balance is hard to do. Where is the point between stabbing someone’s eye out or only seeing them once every few weeks for dinner, that we will truly feel like we’ve found a good balance?

“Am i the only person here who loves to watch a couple together that hates each others guts? That has to be the most entertaining thing when you see two people that just hate each other ..together, and look we've all been there everybody’s been in that situation where you will stay with somebody you don’t even like them. Two weeks in and already you like "pshh", no way. I cant stand this person, I'll hang around for 5 or 6 years then we can end this thing violently.”

Not a Dane Cook fan? It’s cool. He probably wouldn’t be a fan of you either. Moreover, how do we create a balance when we’re taught from childhood that we have a certain age we can reach before the opposite sex won't play doctor with us anymore finds us repulsive and we’re going to end up alone? (Totally thinking about smelly Cat-pee carpet right now…you know you were too…) I think some people are so hell bent on getting married before “x” age, that they forget what REALLY being in love with someone means. So they jump into something completely blinded by fear. Fear of what? Cankles? Saddlebags? The unknown? Who really knows. Fear of facing each day alone. Mostly, it seems like a fear of being trapped with your own thoughts --it can really provoke people to make rash decisions when it comes to love.

Then there’s the other people. (Let’s call this person, I don’t know, ME…) Those who have this idea (and have had since days of playing with said barbies) of what the ultimate dream wedding looks like, but never really being a huge hurry to make it happen. I feel like this is a better balance. It’s the idea I haven’t tried to marry every guy that has came along, but that I’m still OPEN to the idea of love.

If you aren’t calling me a liar falling off your chair from shock at that phrase, I have no idea what would get you at this point… I will say this. I cry during adore sappy music/movies/situations. What I do NOT adore is feeling like some people are so ready to “be in love” they never really ARE. I don’t want the person who I settle for --I want the person I pick to be with, because I am hopefully not knocked up  with no choice so crazy in love with them I can’t imagine a world in which I couldn’t say that to them, in some form, every day of my life.

On that note, I don’t feel like you can chloroform people while they're sleeping into loving you either. Reciprocity is key. If someone doesn’t love you back, why would you want to spend a lifetime with them.?How can you build something on nothing? I will say this – I know for sure you can’t stand on an empty box and put sweaters on the top shelf of your closest, because the box will eventually collapse and you’ll…well you’ll probably feel like a jackass because you admitted it in a public forum – but mostly, you’ll figure out – nothing comes from nothing. (Am I channeling ‘’ The Sound of Music” right now or does it just feel creepily similar?...)

Perhaps the best advice in this situation is just to really focus on we want from every relationship we enter into. Are we looking for someone just to bad touch RIGHT NOW-- or are we really hoping to find that person we find ourselves hiding from in the laundry room, because we just need 10 minutes away from them? In all seriousness – I feel like relationships are built from people truly knowing what they want out of life. Even if we don’t know what that looks like 10 years from now, keeping an open mind and not settling for less than we deserve. Finding the person we want to talk to at the end of a really long day-- and the only thing that comes to mind is "Thank god, you're hot I have you." Above all, never giving up on “love.” ~K

"So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads..."

“…The ancient Greeks had two words for time, chronos and kairos. While the former refers to chronological or sequential time, the latter signifies a time in between, a moment of undetermined period of time in which something special happens. What the special something is depends on who is using the word. While chronos is quantitative, kairos has a qualitative nature. In this case used as rare or significant fact or event….”


Anyone who studied speech because you're a dick, and thought it was easy in college is aware of this phenomenon. Those of you who didn’t (and that’s probably like 99.9% of you) are probably like, wtf does this have to do with anything? Well, I will tell you. This weekend was filled with MANY moments of kairos time, which was a nice change for my usually very “chronos” type life.


Most recent explanation of this – I was on my way to work this morning (driving down Gregory on the twisty, windy road that eventually leads you through “ohmigod, lock all your doors” to “oh, business district…”) when I suddenly had this intense feeling like I need to stop drinking on Sundays was missing something. I look over to my right and make a mental list of everything sitting there. Purse? Check. Wallet? Check. Phone? OHMIGOD, Where is my….oh. Wait. In my lap. Got it. Did I pay my bills? Kidding. I definitely wouldn’t panic that much over forgotten bills. Sad, but true. (haha) Tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, I can feel my heartbeat steadily increasing. I suddenly feel rushed, irritable, and uneasy. I look up into the review mirror to make sure I haven’t like totally forgotten to put makeup on or something (not trying to scare people) and THEN….right then -- the sun came beaming down through the trees – creating this kind of peaceful, angelic light you couldn’t re-create if you tried. It was breathtaking. I drive this same road every day and no matter how sunny it is, I’ve never seen anything like this. It was directly between the trees shinning like it was some kind of sign from God. In that moment, I felt my world just PAUSE, and I totally forgot what the hell my point was about everything else. I continued merrily on my way to work, every couple of minutes glancing back in the rearview mirror to make sure I didn’t make this up and that it was still there. It was. This was a definite moment of Kairos time.


A more relatable example of this was Friday night. We had tickets to the Royals Game, box seats, Diamond Club access, the whole bit. Awesome. Til we get there….and it’s POURING rain. This isn’t just RAIN. This is a torrential downpour that lasts for like 3 straight hours. I am not wearing underware a white tank stop with a sheer white tee over it. PERRRRRRFECT. The two gentleman that were accompanying me did their best to keep me from getting wet, but our window of opportunity to run was definitely ruined by an even bigger/wetter/colder burst of rain. Of course. It’s one of those moments where you have 2 options: (Side note: For those of you who KNOW me, getting my hair/make-up destroyed is on my list of least favorite things) #1 Just go with it and realize I always you can bitch about not looking perfect or #2 you can just let it go and enjoy yourself. This was, was for sure a #2 moment. It was just…so funny. The rest of the night was equally as fun. I was definitely out of my element at times, but I couldn’t have been happier with the way the night turned out!!


And then, Saturday night; I was at this bar in Westport with a few of my closest friends (it was Miss Jaimie’s bday!) and we headed to watch Hopper play this original acoustic show (his first in 2 years!). I’d had kind of a stressful day. I had driven to Lawrence at 7am to watch the Coopster, who, is lucky i don't shake babies refused to take any nap longer than 30 minutes --while I was running out of steam on 1.5 hours of sleep. He was fussy (he’s teething) and I was SO. TIRED. I love my nephew more than liquor anything in this world, but he was a handful on Saturday. I had no idea how I was going to make it back to Eva’s house in time to leave by 7p, when I was leaving Lawrence at 5:45pm (road construction between there and here is AWFUL.) Let’s not also forget to mention that some people forget the world does not revolve around them, and no matter how many times you reiterate you have plans, it just doesn’t process. I had already turned down plans with 2 other AMAZING groups of friends for this evening and THAT was just adding fire to my fury. Frustration had, for sure, set in.


So we finally get there and the show is just INCREDIBLE. It started off a little shaky with an interesting miscommunication between us wanting food and our waitress…getting it…but, that was small in the course of events that followed. I remember sitting on the floor, listening to this AMAZING band (featuring Hopper’s good friend Kristy) and thinking how relaxed and at ease I was.


I was sitting in the floor (in a bar – gross right?) surrounded by people I adore and I remember closing my eyes and thinking how some moments can just feel so perfect. The leader singer has one of those raspy voices that made me develop the biggest girl crush just draws you in, and the rest of the band is so talented you can’t HELP but feel stopped in that moment and mesmerized by them. THEN, the band finishes and my moment of bliss turns into pure FUN. This DJ starts playing all this crazy techno and Jaimie, Eva, Terry, and the completely dorky part of myself that is convinced I'm a good booty dancer let loose and cut a rug (or 10) and had a blast. Not to mention there was this interesting character (male or so we were lead to believe) dressed in what appeared to be the smallest kilt ever humanly made. We’re pretty sure it was a “Catholic School Girl” uniform, but we let that one go…it was just hilarious! After that, we went to the O’Deeze and proceeded to celebrate Jaimie’s birthday until the bar closed. It was an epic night.


Yesterday? Just as fun. Eva, Lance, Leilani, and myself made a trip to Oceans of Fun and Worlds of Fun. I forgot, now matter how old you get, small things like that can really make a weekend amazing. Eva and I had a moment where we were sitting in the pool (I was leaned up against a fake palm tree with my head resting against the base) and we were just discussing life….feelings (gasp, right?), and everything that’s going on with us. The sun was shining directly on us. It was warm, the water was just right, and everything seemed right with the world. It was completely out of the ordinary for me to be in a pool, surrounded by children, and feel that peaceful. Pure Kairos.


Do me a favor – think of how much of your life is based on Cronos (linear) time and how much of it is based on Kairos time. Which moments do you really enjoy more? To some, it could qualify as being 9 months pregnant and going through the motions, day to day, waiting for the one moment of sheer bliss when your child is born and your realize your life is changed forever. For others, it’s something as simple as having someone grab your hand out of nowhere, in the most nonchalant way, letting you know there’s nowhere they’d rather be, than sitting there with you. There are varying degrees of this phenomenon, like with anything in life – but it’s not figuring out which are the most important by dissecting every detail, so much as recognizing them as they come, and learning to appreciate even the smallest of Kairos moments.. ~K

"Now I'm sleeping on floors of temporary friends, but I'm keeping the store front as clean as I can --And I'm sweeping the sky for today's revelation, And I'm needing some time and some proper ventillation..."

Where do I even begin? Interactions. Interactions of all types shape the way we think/feel/believe about a person/situation. Sometimes those interactions are good, and sometimes, well you know...you want to burn their house to the ground forget you ever met some people. Speaking in a "non-relationship" type way, there are interactions that occur everyday.

Random Patient: "Can you look at my tooth? I think it needs a filling."
Me: "That would be a good question for the Dr., considering I dont see a filling for that tooth on your current treatment plan..."
RP: "But I can feel it...I KNOW it needs a filling -- schedule me for a filling."
Me: "But what if it's LESS severe? Do you really want to pay for a filling?"
RP: "It needs a filling - I know it does!"
Me: *sighs*

Interactions. They shape how our day progesses...how some days we can do a job and go home and have a pleasant evening of watching Teen Nick and getting drunk watching tv, or cleaning up around the house until it's time for bed...or....OR...we have those nights where we go to the bar when we suggest a friend suggests it, and we end up drinking until 2am when we have to work the next morning.

Do we even realize how we're interacting with people? When you go to the gas station  to buy ciagrettes/condoms/soda, does your interaction leave a good impression on the cashier? Do they make a good one on you? Do you even REMEMBER interacting with them? Sometimes, we get so caught up in the "auto-pilot" mode of our interactions, we fail to see when they have detrimental consequences to our lives.

Let's take relationships for example. Say there are two people who are dating each other, and for the most part, they get along well...but sometimes, they get so caught up in interactions with other people, they forget how to separate that from their interactions with each other. This would probably ultimately lead to the demise of said relationship, yes? If you are mad that "Snotty McAttitude" cashier was rude to you, you could go home and start a fight with "Most of the time I love you but you aren't being sympathetic right now" sifinificant other because of it -- How many times can this happen before the other person just shuts off emotionally toward you ? It would go something like this;  These two people go through the motions, fight when one of them is having a bad day, or even when they are mad about something else, making the other one upset for no reason....  and then one day, these two people realize maybe all they do is fight - so they stop interacting with each other totally.... (such is life)...and both move on and start interacting with other people and the process starts all over again.

Is there a point where we need to go back and focus on what we've done in the past, so we don't repeat it in the future? If we're constantly interacting with everyone in such a way that reflects the way we've always been, how do we learn from our mistakes? If these two people find two other people and start dating them, how do they keep those new relationships from falling into "auto-pilot" and ultimately failing the same way?

Is love really having to say you're sorry? (Wow, I really just said that...) Maybe. Maybe it's just learning to appreciate what you have and not freaking out on someone because they accidentally dump red wine on a cute aqua skirt you adore, or when they do you favor by carrying your make-up case and accidentally tip it over, sending your favorite limited edition bronzer sailing toward the pavement, ultimately breaking into a million tiny pieces... these are just a few instances in which interaction can one of two ways. You can get mad. You can scream and curse at people, or you can stop...pause and reflect on the ACTUAL intention at hand..and get over it. Realize we're all human and things happen -- and not let it affect your future interaction with that person, or worse, end all interaction with that person for good.

Intentions are key. Relaying those intentions is even more important. If we all were able to get past the bullshit and start owning up to these "omg, I'm kind of a hateful bitch being effin' crazy" moments and just tell people how we REALLY felt, maybe they'd understand us a little bit better.  Maybe it's letting someone know that even though we don't speak to them for eight months, we had good reasons for doing it, or maybe saying "even if our relationship isn't perfect, I still love who you are." We could probably all save each other all a little grief and pain.  It could be quite a humbling experience.  More importantly, if once a while we just learn how to say "I'm sorry" or respond with "It's ok...really" when others are apologizng to us, maybe we'd have a few more friends and alot better relationships. 

As for our normal daily interactions, perhaps it's letting the mail man know you appreciate that he goes out in 100+ degree weather to deliver your mail, or letting someone cut in front of us at the grocery store when they have 1 item and I always you have 1,000,000. (For me it's keeping my patience with the patients -- I just used two forms of the same word in one sentence --take THAT 8th grade English teacher!) Abvove all, I feel like it's listening. Interpreting. UNDERSTANDING. All of these things would shape our daily interactions and MAYBE make someone else's day. So, go ahead, get out of "auto-pilot" -- and start interacting. ~K

"Swearing you're gonna drown with a beautiful sigh and a river of lies..."

 Dreams. What do they mean to us?...Why do they happen? I'm not gonna get all crazy bulls**t dream interpretor on you, I just have some thoughts about why/what dreams are and what causes them. (Disclaimer: If you read this and start to think "this sounds like it's about me....she dreams about me while touching herself , or at least it sounds like it's about me? Chances are. You're probably wrong. I feel like my dreams are more of a representation of things/people than they are a literal interpreation of what is happening in my life.

 For me -- it would seem I have this uncanny ability to dream something and sort of "will" it into life - not always specifically the dream itself, just small parts of it...thoughts...phrases...situations. Tiny fragments of the dream itself. I've come to realize the more I "suppress" thoughts/feelings/sexual urges in real life, the more they come to life as a vivid encounter in my dreams.

Some idiot with nothing better to do crazy intelligent dream Dr. seems to think it's brought to life like this; "...Psychological theorists of dreams focus upon our thoughts and emotions, and speculate that dreams deal with immediate concerns in our lives, such as unfinished business from the day, or concerns we are incapable of handling during the course of the day. Dreams can, in fact, teach us things about ourselves that we are unaware of..."

Focusing specifically on the underlined part; I've come to realize a few things about myself. #1)
I despise talking about how I feel. If I could just skip past that part of any relationship and go straight to the "what I often mistake as witty banter" and past all of the "holy crap, we're gonna talk about awkward feelings/emotional crap things, I'd be alot happier. Ask me my thoughts, opinions, judgements about things? I could do that any day of the week. Ask me to describe to you "how this made me feel," I feel like that's the fastest way to make me want to be a deaf mute run from you. Why this is important, is because it's like I have some emtional handicap that I don't really notice as a problem during the day, but find myself wildly thrashing in my sleep at about 4am because of. Why does any of this matter?  #2) It's taking some kind of toll on my sanity. I mean making me kind of "overly emotional" in real life. Stop. Let's put our wheels in reverse. When I say emotional, I mean the random, impulsive rip/tears that Eva goes "Damn, girl...you are like 0 to 90 right now." The moments I get the "crazy eye" and just unload about whatever pissed me off at the moment. Those of you who know me, know how frequent this has been lately...

So, here I am. Trying to get back to "a little less b*tchy nice Kara." Bear with me.

Perfect example: ---> People like to tell me "Kara, you're kind of a b*tch not telling me anything." (I like to play dumb when people do this -- however, I am aware what they mean.) Something crazy could happen to me, and I'd react to it most like anything else in my life. (Side Note: If you have caught me at one of those rare emotional drunken moments, you don't count...) I kind of take it in, mentally process it for a few minutes, and bury it deep throat in the back of my mind. It's like that scene in Harry Potter where Dumbledore takes memories out of his mind and puts them in a rememberant (sp?) so it's like they aren't in his head, but he can come back and process them anytime he wants. I kind of do this. I like to think I put everything emotional "on hold" and come back to process it at a later date. Unfortunately, i've been processing alot of these things while trying to sleep. To an intense degree, even. Perhaps I need a "writing with shower markers on the shower wall"therapy session, but mostly, I feel like I need to process things outwardly...

More specific example: ---> (Here's the part where you read it and go "omg, she's crazy as hell dreaming about me." -- Again, you're wrong. Not a literal interpretation.) Last night, I had a dream I'm in this restaurant with my gay (he is ok with me calling him that) Becker and his super snazzy bf DJ (the Deeeeeeeej) and we're sitting at a table (very high pub table, but doesn't resemble O'Dowd's -- shockingly) and talking about nothing in particular - then, it happens -- the waitress comes to our table with a birthday cake and places it in front of me. It says "Happy 30th, Kara!" and they laugh, but turn to the waitress and say "You did it to early! You were supposed to wait for  _____" (This part actually has to remain blank because it was barely audible, even to me.) I look surprised and smile at them, but then look toward the door "concerned" ____ isn't there yet. First of all, WHOOOA. I'm turning 30 in this dream? Where did the last 5 years go? Second of all, who the hell is _____? It's definitely a guy. I can tell from their reaction and my expression, this is definitely a dude...someone I care for alot (hence the concernicus face.) About then, the door opens and a crisp breeze hits my face, causing me to turn toward the door. (It's December for those of you who don't care can't remember when the hell my birthday is.) There he is. Coming toward our table he takes, long, quick strides (the scary part is ...these strides are awfully familiar...hummmm), seeming flustered he's late... with a huge box tucked under one arm and roses with balloons attached in the other. The problem with this? All this balloon nonsense is covering his face. So I can't even see who this is...I hear him say "Happy Birthday, baby...I love you." I reach up to move the balloons and notice a silver band on my left hand ring finger and stop to study it. I'm 30...and married...to a face-less, balloon hoarder. Awesome. His voice sounds familiar, and I have kind of a good idea who he is... but...then again, it's just a dream? Right. Omg, are you like whhhaaaaat? All of that and she doesn't even reveal who he is? -- Again, like I said...I have an idea, but maybe it's better not to know. *realizes this is incredibly vague and hard to read* (Damn.)

So the dream resolves sort of, just like that. I'm having a quiet, intimate dinner with 3 people I adore, and I'm happy...like grinning ear to ear happy, and the second I realize who it is, I awake in this fog going..."Really?....That was...a dream? It felt SO real." It really did. At that moment, in my grumpy ass half naked 6am stupor, I ponder..."Would I really be upset if this were REAL?" I seemed quite ok with in the dream. As quick as that thought came, it left, as I had to get up and get ready for the day. It's been at the back of my mind all morning. I'm not a huge "future planning" kind of person, but this...this feels different. (Disclaimer: I am not trying to run off and get married this week anytime soon, so let's just table that idea for a few years.)

Now that I've got you not actrually giving a shit but pretending you do on the edge of your chair, let me explain why any of this holds relevancy in real life. I'm so quick to shut down any kind of normal human interaction emotion in real life, it's almost overwhelming when it happens in dreams -- and I end up with the faceless balloon boy who I try to to undersatnd as I sit at my desk, tapping my fingers, and enjoying my delicious daily Saltines.

What does this mean? I need to be more emotional...I'm not talking "crying by myself while watching Grey's Anatomy" emotional - I mean emotional in real life, to real people. This is going to happen SLOWLY and definitely not all at once...but isn't there some phrase that goes "brick by brick?... I will tear down my emotional wall and be better about letting others have insight into my actual thoughts/feelings about life...maybe...hah. ~K



“The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.” -Anonymous

"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience..."

Wasn't there once a wise person who stated "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting to get different results?"(Or some insightful crap like that --you get the jist.) How true is this? Think about it -- have you ever caught yourself actually DOING this? I think I do this daily... example: My eyes were on fire this morning, so I went on a hunt and search mission for some eye drops. Checked my make-up bag. Nope. Checked the top drawer where the "reserve make-up" hangs out (don't judge me...I have more than I could use in a lifetime alot of pointless shit crap. Nope. Checked my "work" bag. (Basicallly it's full of protein bars, a thin sweater for when the Doc turns this place into the Artic Tundra, Saltine Crackers (duh), and some walk of shame reserve makeup (Again don't you judge me because every girl has been there!) Nope, not there either. So I proceeded to check all these places (in order) about three more times. Insane, right? Ironically, the eyedrops were in the lotion drawer where they do NOT belong, but I digress...The point is, I continued to look the same places over and over thinking it would end up with different results. Did it? No. Not until I changed my direction/prespective/underware/ithought process did it really change anything.  I think we all have a little "insane" side, no? If you disagree with this, you just bury your crazy deep down or everyone sees it but you're scary enough they don't mention it.

Then there are times when we don't realize, but we're continuing down the same path...over...and over...and over again.What's taking it too far, though? Is it chasing after the same girl/guy, time and time again, expecting it to turn out differently?  Let me preface this by saying, these comments are GENERAL and definitely not directed at anyone in particular. (At times, this even sucks ass applies to me.)

I walked away from this for a minute. I had lunch away from my computer (gasp, right?) and took a gander through the Victoria's Secret catalog, while thinking this through a little deeper. Here's what I think:::: People can shock the hell out of you. Regardless, if you've known someone for just a short time or many years, sometimes you have this moment where you're like "I just realized I'm drunk trying....really hard, in fact." Trying to what? Trying. That's all. Trying to make something out of something else with someone. Whether it be trying to date someone, or a prolonged silence trying to forget about someone - we all have those moments that make us go..."Shit, I'm really drunk trying so hard to _______ this person. Like? Love? Forget? Stab? Understand? Something makes us try...much harder than we have in a while and we think "Man, this bitch is alot more effort than I honestly thought I would have to put in..." but mostly we think, "I hope I'm not trying to sleep with them for NOTHING."

As I sat on the patio at Bravo last night, sharing a bottle of wine and good conversation, something was flat out said kind of occured to me. We all have these "types" of people we normally go for. Right? Personally, for me, I feel like it's dall, dark hair, and goofy as hell lookin' handsome. Maybe not necessarily all these things in a cookie cutter, but more like most of the guys I"ve dated shared these characteristics. Which leads me to my next point...if we all have a "type" shouldn't some of us start to realize it's painfully obvious to everyone else this type isn't working for us? If my "type" was really good for me, wouldn't I be blissfully married by this point? Maybe, it's good for us all to shut up and go with it change it up every now and then. Whether it be someone we've just met, or someone we've always known and never went for because they weren't trying to jump on us from the beginning "our type," we should all realize every possibility is what leads to a reality. So go ahead, try something new. Break the cycle of InSaNiTy ~K

"DWAMM! It's hotter than those bitches sittin up in the free clinic-You know what I'm sizzlin'!"

It has come to my attention that perhaps I have "too much time on my hands." (Duh, why the eff else would I blog?) I feel like there's a very appropriate response to such claims; go f**k yourself you have too much time on YOUR hands if you have time to READ it. How bout that?....

I really only have this kind of time during the day. I like to blog during lunch. As I sit at my desk and enjoy my protein bar and Saltine crackers (I have a super creep/weird/obsessive liking for Saltine crackers - the organic ones especially!) I know that I will write a little, work on stuff for a little, and come back and jot down more as I think of it. Don't like it? Again, go f**k yourself  Don't read it.

Not alot on my mind today. Well, that's not true. I have a couple thoughts stewing that I kind of just want to touch on invidually in a #'d list so you can decipher them quicker and skip on to the next one if you aren't interested in what you're reading. It's like buffet style reading, you get to pick and choose what you want. I feel like that's just good journalism!

#1) Has anyone ever seen "Horton Hears a Who?" Max and I saw this movie in Denton at a Movie Tavern where we proceeded to booze heavily and stuff ourselves because we were pretty much causing a scene at that point while the ankle biters in the theatre made noise and annoyed us (I digress). Not a great movie, but I do like this classic line they incorporated from the books -- "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful, one hundred percent..." Do you know what I like this phrase? Simple. The implication here is that I say something and I mean it. I feel like I have to keep reiterating this on post after post because people read this with the idea there's some deep underlying meaning to these things, when really, I'm just finding time to fill my lunch break so I don't have to walk out into the African Safari hot-ass weather and stroke out on the pavement. These are general comments I make - and if they are specific to someone, that person probably picks up on it. (Or, I'm a very sneaky-sneaky...) Now, if you read the whole thing and think "ohmigod, she's a bitch is this about me?" Quite possibly, you're either a) extremely conceited or b) it probably is. If the whole thing is about you and it's me bitching like crazy going off on a rip/tear, we should probably re-evaluate our interaction. For the general population, I feel like you read it and go "Wow, chick is crazy she has alot going on in her life." True. I love to write about the things I see/hear/think/encounter on a daily basis. And, so it goes....

#2) After a weekend of binge drinking hanging out with my peeps, I like to take a few minutes before I fall asleep and ponder the funny conversations I had with my awesome homies. I remembered as I was laying awake at 11pm last night (I decided to be proactive and get some sleep last night) that Joe told me while he was completely wasted sober that he quit smoking cigarettes with "Whatchamacallit's." I was super intrigued by this. You used candy bars to stop smoking? (Like legitimately didn't even crave cigarettes anymore at all - just gave them up cold turkey!) Awesome! What he really meant, was he took an herbal supplement that he coudln't remember the name of and THAT helped him quit smoking. For all those who read this and thought about trying it before I actually revealed it was an herbal supplement, I will say this; these statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, but I think it's legit for any of those who are going to give the Whatchamacallit diet a go. Warning: I feel like an excessive amount of those may induce a diabetic coma. So you might not smoke, but you also won't be like...breathing and stuff... the choice is yours. If anyone tries this, I would definitely like to know the results. Test trial anyone?

Side Note: As I as posting this, I crumpled up a post-it, threw it backwards over my shoulder, and it actually landed in the trash can. I feel like that is maybe the first time I've ever done that. Damn, it feels good to be a gansta....

#3) As a general, I don't have regrets. I'd like to think everything I've done up to this point makes me someone who lives with no fear who I am today. Sometimes though...just sometimes -  I feel like as part of human nature, we all inevitably have maybe a few things situations we wish we could have/do over, differently.  What are mine? Yeah right. Like I'd post that. Well, the personal ones anyways. I'll say this; I wish I had gone to grad school immediately out of undergrad. Would I be here right now working for this dentist? Probably not. Would I have met the amazing people I did because of where I worked/lived? Definitely not. So it's a little bittersweet; I love my life and the majority of the people in it, but sometimes I think I'd be a better person if I'd followed some sort of life plan instead of just free falling into life and hoping it all pans out. On the other hand, if these other things situations were meant to be, they will probably find a way to work themselves out and fit into my current life. Wishful thinking? Right? Maybe, the only thing we can do as people is just take the good with the bad, realize that sometimes It must have been something that sent me out of my head,with the words so radical and not what I meant realllly awful/unfortunate/unlucky things happen to us all, but through it all, we always faced it head on with a "I can get through this..." attitude and learn to really love appreciate the moments good in life.

More positive note? Maxypants and I are discussing labor day plans....Vegas? The Alamo? You just never know what we'll plan. Maybe I should start a video blog to capture all these fantastic moments (a thought previously mentioned in my earlier antics about binge drinking on the weekends!) One thing is for sure, shananigans WILL ensue. ~K

"Maybe this mattress will spin on its axis, and find me on yours..."

So this weekend...where to begin? We'll start logically and go from Thursday to Sunday...you know, the natural progression of how the weekend would go if you follow a normal time space continuum. Your weekend doesn't start on Thursday evening? Shame. You should try it sometime - I find it really makes the week go by faster...it's...GLORIOUS...but, I digress....

The weekend. My super awesome bestie (Maxypants) was headed this way -- Deciding on kind of a "spur of the moment" type decision, I found myself in Manhattan on Thursday evening hanging out with my college homies at Pats in Aggieville. After some 21-year old Jeresey Shore wannabe tried to convince me I was hanging out at the UC Pool all day (I was not, in fact) several times (Again, I have a job 8-5, I continued to contest this comment) he proceeded to convince me he was a very "mature" 21-year old creeper. When he asked where I was from and I said "KC," he immediately said "Oh, yeah! Overland Park...very nice!" If you are anything like me, your response was "I feel like KC is a LITTLE bigger than that..." Mature, yet obviously not good at geography. Awesome. Gabrielle and I laugh, grab our drinks and walk inside where Pats has apparently decided it's "Freaky-Ass-Rap-Friday" so Max showcases his dance skillss, and then Gabrielle and I have to counter THOSE with some even more amazing moves --Somehow we got cross-dancination and we all drank too much. It was all very confusing. Then Max and I stumble walk back to Natalie's, after a very delicious trip to the greatest fast food restaurant on earth Pita Pit. I do recall Max taking about two bites of his and then chucking it up into the air and saying "I'm done." Lolz, Max....Good times. So once we're back at the random apartment I thought was Natalie & Joe's Natalie and Joe's, Max tries to convince me they live on the backside of this apartment complex, but being the good friend I am, I let him find out, all on his own, that he was totally wrong. So we finally get inside and go to sleep. I awake to music, well...not really music, so much as Max just singing loudly for no reason. He stands straight up, walks over to the dresser and starts throwing my stuff on the ground. When I ask what's happening, he snaps at me that he's "turning up the music, fool" so I shrug, rollover, and go back to sleep. The next time I wake up? Max has decided to take Natalie's night stand and just knock it over as hard as he can. Again, I should reiterate, nothing Max does while intoxicated sleeping really shocks me at this point. In the morning? The first thing out of my mouth is "you better pick that shit up." He does. Good, Max.

Friday? Natalie, Glo, and I decide to burn all of our skin off and lay out. They last like 20 mins and decide the hot tub was a better prospect so I lay back, turn up the music, and sweat my ass off.  I've seen Hot Tub Time Machine, I'm not going anywhere near a random hot tub her crazy neighbor was back there "fixing." Isn't that Chevy Chase's job in the movie? Yeah. Same thing in this scenario. No thanks. (Does anyone really wanna go back like 20 years and play in the dirt? That would be fun for like 2.5 seconds and then I'd realize I can't legally drink or drive. That just sounds AWFUL. If I could go back to highschool and be carefree, but still able to actually go out and do stuff, I'd TOTALLY go back to that...or maybe even college. I'm not sure how the whole back the future without a DeLorean "picking what year you get to" happens. I mean, what if I went back too far and then it's all 10,000 leagues under the sea, because I"m way to close to someone else's lady parts back in the womb? Gah-ross. Again, I digress...)  Then we head to the Hamilton's for a bbq and entertaining stories of ol' told by one super fun, GG. So little BBQ fun fact: Nacho Cheese Doritos? Totally have MSG in them. It's true. That crap is bad for you, people. Look it up. Then we have a chill night in, drink wine, and flip on some classic "The Office" episodes. Epic day.

Fast forward to Saturday, Natalie makes this amazing breakfast consisting of strawberry crepes, and the crepes were homeade. I totally watched her make them from scratch. Aside from the fact she swears by smearing Nutella all over them (none for me, thanks - I've heard how addictive that crap is and I've managed to go 25 years without tasting it, so let's not rock the boat on that one...), but for serious, these things were amazing. So was the dinner they cooked for me Thursday night. Natalie is like Betty Crocker meets Emeril - classic recipies with a little bit of "BAM!" You get the picture. So after breakfast,
Max and I head to Lawrence where we proceed to lounge around after I get done babysitting the Coopster and then we start our epic journey to KC. Get there, get dressed, and head out on the town! Dinner at Granite City - I had some kind of tomato basil pizza and Max gets Meatloaf (important b/c I received a text while at dinner suggesting Meatloaf was the way to go - and of course, Max said it was amazing. I refrained, but it looked pretty great!) 2 small splits of Champagne later, I'm off on a rip/tear and my glass is hurled across the table by my arm broken and champagne is all down the front of me. Awesome. They then proceed to clean up the glass and offer me a free bottle (I get rewarded for being totally uncoordinated?) and I figure it's too early to be THAT wasted decline, given that we'll be drinking our faces off in about 20 mins, so we leave.  Up next?: O'Dowd's rooftop!!

...So there we were, sitting on the deck, and I was pondering life (or just really wasted and thought I was being deep) over dirty martinis and a stogie (haha a small cigar type thing Terry's dad gave me...) and that's sort of where the night shuts off. How many martinis is too many, you  might ask? Alot like wine, it's however many it takes you to be non-coherent and need an escort to leave. As I say this, I'm noticing a pattern with my weekend drinking binges and I've come to this conlusion. It's the freakin' weekend and sometimes, ya just gotta booze heavily. I don't booze at home by myself while crying and watching Grey's Anatomy, so I feel like it's still a social thing. Luckily, I'm a "chill and observe" drunk and less of a biligerent "starting fights with every skank who-ore girl that comes across my path." I may start carrying about my little video camera and having my friends video me so I feel compelled to drink less. Stay tuned!

After sleeping in yesterday, getting up, and proceeding to sleep more in strategic places all over my apartment, I am finally back in action at 2pm. So I tell him to quit his life and move to KC bid adieu to Max, and take off  toward the pool. 8 glasses of water and a very interesting recap about my near coma drunken stooper with Shannon, ready for dance class. Well, ready is the wrong word. I was ready, but my center of gravity was not. It's alot less fun to spin in circles when you're all dehydrated and barfy --In case anyone was wondering. Why did we have to start the worst dance ever invented two-step yesterday? Has anyone actually done this dance? Does anyone actively WANT to? I feel like the answer is a resounding "hell the eff, no." For those of you aren't avid 2-step lovers, let me break it down for you; the girl runs backwards really fast while the guy runs at her equally as fast while trying not to kick her. (Darin had some issues with the "not kicking" part.) There are some turns and other crap too, but really, it's like SEIZURE fast while you try to move around in circles and not get trampled by everyone else. Not a fan. After that, I did my normal Sunday shananigans and went to SNDC. So here I am, at work on 3.5 hours of sleep and I have Argentine Tango @8pm in OP, so I will NOT be sleeping anytime soon. It's cool. It was still a pretty solid weekend...

However...I saw the most random crap this weekend. I feel like crazy crap just FOLLOWS me. Does anyone else ever feel like that? So, we arrive at dance yesterday and there's this totally effin' weirdo dude dressed like Elvis holding a guitar, dancing with Whitney as if it's the most normal thing ever. Weird, right? Then I'm on the way back from dance and BAM - someone riding a horse in the middle of a busy road in suburbia where there isn't a farm/farmesque type place for MILES....what the hell is going on with the world? Sometimes it's like the universe just makes things happen to make sure you're paying attention. Im certain it's the equivalent of how our patients would feel if I stopped coming to work with pants on. It'd be one of those I knew she was a dirty pirate hooker "Saw this day going differently in my mind" type of things. I hope this means I should be paying attention because if I don't I'm going to miss out on something awesome...like these small random occurances in my everyday life are just to make sure I"m ready for crazy things. Well, I think I am. So, bring it on. ~K

"You need your beauty rest - me...well, perhaps i'm just a lost cause"

So, my day is only half over and already I wanna stab my eyes out because I'm at work shit got real. I've pretty much come to the conclusion as I drive my morning route to work that I'm lucky I don't get carjacked/stabbed Gregory is just a very eventful road. If anybody needs a refresher; check out my entry yesterday, which can really be summed up as"Tuesday; a ticketed tragedy involving our heroine Kara, as she tries to better the world by being on time- only to have her efforts thwarted by the ninja cop that hides in bushes." Is it really my fault everyone was was on a mission to slow me down  yesterday, to the point that I was literally running 10 mins later than normal? I feel like everybody should get one -- like Spiderman, right?...Let me reiterate - not everyone should get one completely ambigous ticket with an payble amount, to be determined at a later date. (You see how these rip/tears start, yes?) Everyone should get one free one where the cop goes "AHHH, you were speeding.....OHHH, YOU....this is your "one"....but really, slow down." That -- THAT would have made alot more sense since I'm not like a habitual law breaker and what not. That cop? Not having it.


Anywhoo...this particular morning, something much crazier happened. (Crazier than a ninja cop pulling over multiple cars at 8 in the morning off a random side road, you say? Yes, even crazier than the dudes trying to sell CD's at the intersection of Gregory & Troost in rush hour traffic while the light is green! - I know, you can barely wait to hear what comes next....) I get about 2 blocks from work and traffic is stopped. Standstill. I'm fuming. SERIOUSLY. I do NOT want to make a habbit of getting to work later than normal (I'm never "late" I just have crap that makes me "later" than I'd like to be) and this is like day two of just CRAP on Gregory. So.... I crank up my Bryan Adams "Please Forgive Me" (Oh yes, it was that kind of morning...) and try to find some sort of inner peace with this random disturbance of traffic. Then...as traffic starts to move slower than old people molasses in winter, I finally caught a glimpse of what was holding up traffic. I really hope I paint a good picture for you, so you understand how intense this was....


Here goes; There is a girl - standing in the middle of an intersection beside her car, and she is just FLIPPING OUT. Arms flailing, beady little eyes narrowed, alot of chicken head movement...probably spitting out a slew of obscenities that would embaress a sailor. This chick was EFFIN. PISSED. My window was up at this point and it was obvious, even to me, this girl was just not off to a good start this morning....Upon closer observation, I notice she's ranting and raving to 5 random people in the middle of the street and motioning to her car. Her car is like sideways-ish-catiwompus in the middle of the road. So she parked her car sideways in the middle of the road... decided to exit...and yell at people...ALOT? I thought it was weird so I, like everyone else, figured out a way to get around her and squeezed by. Generally speaking, crazy people in the road has rarely gotten anyone far in the excuse department at work. Could just be me though. Once passing her car, I saw the other side of it - and gasped. This girl...somehow or another, managed to rip off almost the entire other side of her car...and she was still WALKING....TALKING...BIATCHING @ People...Sweet baby Jesus, somebody is looking out for this almost roadkill lady. Granted, it's never a good start to your morning to lose one side of your car, but I feel like she probably got off pretty well in that deal. This isn't the only crazy part...for like half a block, there is just car debris ALL. OVER. the road. Literally from one side of the road to the other the interworkings of this chicks what once was a BMW (Ouch, right?....I'm guessing that's one of the main reasons she was going all psycho hose beast Carrie up on some people in the middle of the road) were just...no longer part of the car. I've witnessed some wrecks, but NEVER have I seen so much of the car left behind. That was insane.


I'm like so tempted to pull over and get out at this point, but I continue to drive, slowly and gawk like any rude ass normal passerbuyer would. I couldn't fathom how she pulled this off alone, but there wasn't like another car around...and then I figured it out. This girl....decided that the car in front of her was not going fast enough so she passed them...but Gregory turns into ONE LANE you dumb shit when you get almost down to Wornall...and it's a business district - so cars park on both sides of the street - this stupid f**k tard chick managed to hit the side of another car so intensely, she lost an entire side of her car.  FYI: Feel like the person whos car she rubbed up on like stank on a who-ore demolished, is probably going to be pissed off when they see that... feel that person's day took an unexpected turn down the shitter. Eh, she drives a BMW, she's probably loaded -- or just REALLLLLLY in debt now. Personally, once I arrived on the scene (I'm guessing they probably informed said person of this incident) I might give that girl the beatdown of a lifetime -- even if my car wasn't as nice as hers -- I feel like I'd take jail time for battery as a fair trade off for you being so stupid, you literally didn't realize it violates the laws of physics to have to many large objects in a small space without those objects inevitably have some sort of catastrophic collision. So moral of the story folks? Don't drive like everyone in this city an idiot and you might actually end up with your WHOLE car at the end of the day.


On to other things....


Last night? Total blast. Eva, Terry, and I sat up on the deck at the O'Deeze and watched this amazing band called Soca Jukebox - well, on Wednesdays it's just Soca Duo (Jason on lead guitar and Clay on steel drums/guitar/bongos) but they are AMAZING! If you are ever on fb and looking for new local bands to watch in KC, check them out! On top of the fact they are super, nice, fantastic people - they are all SUPER talented. We had a great time!


Random Thoughts...


Lately, everywhere I turn it seems like people are all about sex "romance." Not necessarily relationships, but this idea that out there, somewhere, someone is pretty close to absolutely perfect for us. I think that's what romance is...it's not someone who misreads you totally and does things they think are "cutsey," that will win you over -- it's someone who GETS you...gets what you like...gets that you don't expect a bouquet of equistive roses delivered to your office everyday -- just that maybe while you're taking a walk down a deserted sidewalk late one night, and you happen to notice there's cement flower pots full of little summery flowers everywhere-  you break one off and hand it to her like it wasn't even planned - you just felt compelled by her presence...enough that you thought "Her. Flower. Now." That is romance, people.


I'm just a weird girl. (Duh, right?...) Anyone who knows me knows money/flowers/fancy dates/dick in a box aren't going to get you anywhere with me. I appreciate someone who takes the time to get to know me - who lets me be comfortable being me. Someone I can laugh with. Someone I can look up and go "Holy crap, we're naked it's 2 in the morning and we've been talking for HOURS." Someone who appreciates my weird eating habbits, severe hatred for Radio Shack, or how I do everything in the same order every morning b/c I like a little obsessive compulsive stability in my life. Small things like this. I think I've come to believe that romance is when you genuinely just APPRECIATE another human (that you are obviously attracted to) to the point you take time to pick up on all these little "things."


Another example? Ever since I was a little kid, my parents would do this one thing that I thought was so incredibly romantic - something I never really understood until recently. They will dim the lights, put a classic rock ballad on, and slow dance around the living room. Not too often. Not so much that it's like a ritual - just often enough to really appreciate each other and just be in the moment. Love it. Similarly, while listening to this band last night, we convinced this couple to go out and dance (the band encourages it and it makes them happy when it happens) and we go out and dance next to them. They are like super in love. It just radiates from them. We're just bouncing around to the music and they are just like a loving embrace and kiss passionately, every now and then. I must say - it's moments like that I realize it's not that romance doesn't exist - it's just different for everyone. For them, it was that they'd be dating 2 years and they came to the bar and listen to the band - they don't dance. Once persuaded to dance, it's like it awakened some romantic vibe in both of them. I can honestly say, I felt like that couple left with a renewed sense of romance - easily another year of being crazy in love added on to their relationship with that singular, yet very important, moment.


In conclusion, this day isn't even half over and it's been incredibly eventful/insightful. Even though I only got 3 hours of sleep last night, I awoke with a renewed perspective on things. A perspective that includes this idea that...maybe I, deep DEEP, down -- am kind of a hopeless romantic, and as ALWAYS -- the eternal optimist. ~K


A Sex In The City Moment....
Charlotte : "Well, it all sounds very old world to me. Very 18th century Russia.

Carrie : "Yes, and I live in New York City circa now. I think it's romantic when someone offers me a seat on the subway."

You think you're going into the bathroom." You're like, "I'm in the f**king woofer! How did I get in here?"

So new layout. Don't get me started on the shit storm that turned into to getting that slideshow how I wanted it. I feel like this day has been interesting enough with me going off on a widget rip/tear...


Scene: 6am. Eyes? Itchy/Red/Tired. Throat? Dry. Head? Pounding. Thinking "Why do I feel so terrible?" Oh yes, now I remember... I recall this brief moment of "Whatthef**kamIdoinghere?" at 2am last night this morning....but I was hammered water tasted good, and well, Miss Shannon is just VERY persuaive. So, on the deck I sat. I should also note that between Becker and his co-worker, quite a few shots (Max: They were no "Jim Morrison" or "Fancy Pants") were had. I, as sort of a general rule, try to stay out of jail, so I drank like 1,785,354,786,565 glasses of water before I left the bar...


That night started out as normal as any. Talked to Becker yesterday afternoon; we made up from our "Bitchy-Mc-Hatefest" that we were on and decided to go to dinner when I got off work. So we went to dinner at Stone Canyon Pizza in Parkville (goat cheese only (no mozz/whatever that biz is) pizza on whole wheat crust with olive oil, mushrooms, and tomatoes-delicious!), and then we went to dance class in North KC (Side Note: Whitney was selling shirts that say "Show me your Cha Cha"...which I find HI-LARIOUS, but I feel like I'm welcoming some weird sexual molestation or something...yet I still bought one. Best $20 I spent last night, for sure.) After class we head back to Becker's to get his car so he can leave stay way to damn late early because he has to creep on people while they gamble work at 6 in the morning and he didn't want to stay til the bar closed as late as I did.


I take off toward the bar to meet Eva for trivia. About that time, Maxy-pants called me and so I went through the bar while an energetic crowd cheered as the person in charge of the game said "and the answer was...JUSTIN BEIBER (You are correct if you realized this is the point where I realized I did NOT want to play trivia.) So I scurry up the stairs and proceed to finish my conversation with Max. I feel like the transition of bad events happened when the bartender approached and said "Want a drink, pretty lady?" This was followed by Becker and his co-workers nosily entering the bar and taking over my table...ready to get piss ass drunk have a relaxing evening on the deck with all the liquor in the bar a few beers. The obvious answer to that question? I would, in fact, like a drink...


Let's return to present day. This morning I get ready like any normal day and hop in my car to go to work....except that 435 South SUCKS in the morning when you get near the exit where I-70 branches off and people get all hopped up on road rage and start driving stupidily. So I, therefore, became a few minutes behind as Mr. Big-White-Truck-Is-Hard-To-Meanuever-While-I'm-Concentrating-On-Being-A-Huge-Douche cuts me off and slams his breaks on as traffic comes to a standstill. I groan and turn up Miley Cyrus Secondhand Serenade and try to calm down while I impatiently tap my fingers on the steering wheel. I finallllllllly make it to the Gregory exit and wouldn't you know...as soon as I round the corner a cop pulls some Jackie Chan ninja shit, hops out of the clearing, jumps into the street with a radar gun aimed at us like that shit was loaded, and pulls me AND three other cars over. Suck. Effin' A, Cottin, Effin' A!


I know what you're thinking. "If you weren't going that fast..." Nope. 54 in a 35. In my defense, I was just giving into peer pressure and going with the speed of light flow of traffic. He didn't buy that either. Damn. So he asks for my license (No registration? Insurance? No? Today would have been a good day to be driving illegally - just not speeding!) He looks at it and says "I can't really see your last name, is that a....a...." I said "IT'S A T." He said "Ah, yes. You were speeding Miss....Miss..." "Yeah I kinda figured that by the way you flung your body into traffic and pointed at the side of the road like you were my dad grounding me for coming home high (haha, wait...) motioned me to pull over...." He writes me a ticket and says "Sign here. We'll mail you a form in 3 weeks with the fee on it." WTF? Seriously? Not only did you give me a ticket but you turned it into a gameshow where everytime I check the mail I'm suddenly on "Press Your Luck" and hoping it's not like $8,000,000,000 and the ominous "Wanh-Wanh" music sounds that implies I'm the LOSER. (I hear tickets are getting outlandishly expensive...) ....(Don't you hate people that overexagerate? Yeah....me too...they are so 1996.)


Anybody thinking to themselves "Why was this cop on FOOT?" Yeah, I was ACTUALLY not concerned about that at the time, but definitely thought it while I sat there for 10 years 5 mins while he was writing my ticket. In any other situation, I probably would have fought, but in this particular situation, but it was 7:48 (I am ALWAYS there by 7:50), and there's a grave possibility it was hot enough with the window down I was secreting leftover alochol out of my pores.


So anywhoo...after 2 hours of sleep last night (Yes, count it  -- One. Two.) I am EXHAUSTED. The Coffee House radio station is even WORSE today...I think I actually fell asleep with my eyes open. I was listening to some weird rendition of "Alison" and when I snapped back into reality it was a totally different song. All. Acoustic (of course) so it's painfully slow and soft rock-ish. If this "Coffee House" were a real place - I'd probably burn it to the ground. Whoa. Before you judge me, hypothetical arsen to an imaginery place is probably hard to prosecute. Merely stating my need for like 8+ cans of redbull and a nap. I might get up and pace around while


What's the point in this little rant, you might ask? Simple. Don't let Adrienne borrow your shorts because she doesn't wear underware, AND definitely  don't drink on Tuesdays.


On a lighter note, Maxius Prime is coming this weekend (Bring me some What-a-Burger (it's low fat, right? haha), tomorrow is my last day of work this week, and I've got some great stuff lined up for the rest of this week/weekend! It's not ALL bad. =)


In closing, if you obsess over love Twilight as much as I Becker does do, Check this out, Max sent it to me;


http://www.maniacworld.com/twilight-moms-double-standard.jpg


Bahahahahaha. Love it. ~K

"I'm debating nap vs. pool....right now lunch is winning... "

First, and foremost, this has been a pretty solid day. I got up (earlier than normal, in fact) and actually felt like I got enough sleep. I had enough time to get ready for the day. Today I had a day of complete moderation and it was a good feeling. I got to work with enough time to spare. Enough was the theme of the day...(Minus the lady with the yipping little ankle bitter across the hall I've just about too much of...) Eva came into the dentist so I got to spend like an hour with someone I know who talked to me about something other than work, which was a nice change of pace. After a moderately paced morning, I walked down to The Gaf and had lunch (small cup of Irish Stew soup stuff - amazing, btw) with Kyle Z & Resman and it was awesome to catch up with them! After a lunch filled with good college memories and random tidbits about our lives, I headed back to work feeling refreshed and ready to start my afternoon...

As I sit here munching my baked pretzel Goldfish crackers, contemplating life....I've decided there a few things I've found to be true;

#1) There IS such a thing as too much of a good thing (wine is certainly included in this - 4 bottles in one night? Yes...that is TOO much...do we really need to relive Becker shoving his fingers down my throat b/c he was concerned I was going to die from the amount of alochol I consumed? FYI: I did not throw up. Strong gag reflex. *shrugs*) Too much, though. Too much pressure? Too much work? How about too much/too soon? We're all familiar with this...whether it be copious amounts of wine, or someone/something, we all feel like sometimes we just get TOO much. Lately, I've had too much of some things. Moderation. Moderation is key. Then there's this problem, though...what happens when it goes AWAY and we don't get enough? Hummm....I could answer this, but that's another story for another day...(stay tuned, maybe?)....

#2) No one has really figured out what they want in life. We all know we want a relationship, of some sort, that makes us feel safe... happy...comfortable, but few of us rarely know how to do this and keep a good balance with the rest of the things in our lives. Me for instance? I have so much going on right now, I'm not even sure I could find time for a date? I could...but it means a trade off with someone/something else, right? I'm either giving up dance one evening, or if it's an off evening, I'm not hanging out with my friends...or cleaning my apartment (HOLY CRAP: Does it need it... I probably have a months worth of laundry to do and god help me, there is more sparkly bronzer all over my bathroom than most people probably would wear in a lifetime...) or going home to visit my family...or babysitting Cooper for my sis....AHH. Sometimes I need those moments where everything pauses (think "Saved By The Bell" where Zach would go "TIME OUT" and everyone would freeze -- well, they'd try, but Slater was pretty awful at it... ) and I have time to do all the things I should be doing with my life. According to my father (yes, I really said it like "Life According to Dad" style..) I need to find a husband one of these days...and eventually shat out some tiny ones. Maybe it's my prioritizing, but I'm pretty content where I am... but am I? Will my whole life pass me by and all I've really accomplished is spoiling the crap out of my nephew, destorying my liver with henious bar tabs, and impressing wedding goers with my fox trot skills?.... That would be pretty awful right? We ALL want relationships -- ALOT (most...in some way) dont' know how to do that while getting everything we want out of life. C'est la vie...

#3) Warning. RIP/TEAR. Why is it that when I say what I mean, people seem to interpret it in the WORST way possible? If you say to me "What do you mean you don't work Fridays?" I assume you understand that means the office is closed Friday and that you're not actually saying "so...you aren't gonna offer to get out of bed and come in for one teeth cleaning ALL day just for little ol' me?" The answer to that question is no, btw...but it was just an example. Like for instance, if I say to a random guy at the bar ,when he offers me some sex drinks or good converstaion, that I'm not interested, why do they find that challenging? I ACTUALLY mean NO when I say no. It doesn't mean "why don't you try even harder to creep me the hell out." Seriously. There is this world that exists in which I'm not being a total effin' bi-atch, I'm just simply stating a point. Maybe I'm just hard to read/understand/get naked and some people just don't get that? I feel like what I say is OBVIOUS. The things I FEEL, rarely get announced. Most often, it's random musings about life or statements just bluntly said. Ask me my opinion about something? I could talk all day...ask me how I FEEL about something? Yeah. That probably isn't happening....Moral of the story - some things can be taken at surface value. K? I get that some of us ),who are trained nerds with double breathing problems debaters, think everything has a deep underlying meaning, but sometimes....it really ...DOESN"T. Sometimes it just IS.Get it? Got it? Good.

#4) Oh, here it comes, sooner than I thought; I hate missing things. I hate missing OUT on things. I hate to think that something in my life passed me by and I literally can't do anything to stop it. Sometimes, we get SUPER lucky and that thing finds its way back (MOA- thank god...) but often times...those things are like socks in the dryer -- where the eff did it go? New thought. Theory:  Relationships ARE like socks in the dryer...some of them tumble around, make it through the roughest water and come out in better condition than they went in, and some...are just lost forever. I really did just make my relationships in a comparison to dirty, gross, lost socks. That happened. I think it makes a good point, however... in the big Whirpool dryer of life, we're all just socks -- getting tossed around, hoping to make it out better than we were before, and not to lose a part of ourselves we'll never get back. Food for thought here, people.

#5) Being adventurous is good...to a point. We all want to be risk takers. We all want to think that everyday, we wake up, get out of bed, and face -- head on -- the new challenges each day brings. Truth is, sometimes we realize that years have passed, and we literally have nothing different about us. I decided to change this. I decided I would leave behind "Kara who is comfortable in her bubble and never tries new things" and take on a bunch of new life adventures. Truth be told? I'm happy. More happy. Do I have things I miss? Yes. Do I have things I wish were different? Yes. Mostly, I have things I feel like are helping me become somone I like more than the fatter lazier duller old, less adventurous version of myself! Misty once posted on fb that "They say what you're doing at midnight on New Years Eve is what you'll spend the majority of the year doing..." I used to live by this. I now look back on the first 7 months of the year and realize, I'm doing everything COMPLETELY different. I'm not a statistic. I'm the EXCEPTION. Hell yes.

Tying all of this together...I kind of hope all the things I love, miss, and want out of life...come full circle and I find all my socks and find ways to incorporate them into all of my wardrobes...making my life more complete/fun/adventurous/loving/stable/awesome -- but for today? Today I will be thankful for enough. ~K

Someone shit on, or around, the coats....

For all those people who randomly like to read your friends' blogs to keep up on their lives - kudos, it saves you time on actually interacting with them and sitting through mindless babbling while you add in the occasional "uh-huh," "yup," "oh, go on!" while you pretend to care. This saves you a few of those steps...

Disclaimer: #1) If you don't care, dont' read it. #2) If you don't find me interesting as a person, you probably won't like this....#3) Feel free to judge (inwardly, of course) you read this and think to yourself "God, I'm glad that crap doesn't happen to me." I don't mind, I promise.

First and foremost, life is pretty decent right now. Lovin' the 5 dance classes per week (Ballroom/Argentine Tango) - working out 3 nights per week, and enjoying these last weekend days of free sun in my new tini binkini before it gets cold out.

This summer has been CRAZY! Moved to KC (the Northland, duh, for all those who know really know me), started working for a dentist as the treatment coordinator (no, I don't touch people's nasty teeth...), took a 15 day vacation from work while the Dr. was gone (oh, Eva...that was a TRIP! haha), had visitors! (Jake came to visit from Junction City, and Max is headed here this weekend!!!!), and definitely just spent alot of time "finding myself." Where was I, you might ask? Somewhere between auto-pilot and a coma, but I'm BACK...and wow, am I having a great time! I've met some really awesome people lately, but definitely enjoyed reconnecting and apprecating old friends in a new way.

As for my OBSESSIONS...I know I made a similar post on facebook, but I've really gotten into some new things lately and I absolutely LOVE experiencing new things -- in the past, I always wanted to stay the same...and now I just want stop having expectations and make exceptions;

Top Things In My Life RIGHT Now (in no particular order):::::::::::::::::::::::::::
1) Dance, Dance, & More Dance. <3
2) Sushi (Thanks Eva!)
3) Guinness (Thanks, Cally & David Z's book "Eat This, Not That")
4) Working Out (Lost 27 lbs!!! Size 11 to Size 5? Yes please!)
5) Reconnecting with old friends (specifics apply here <3)
6) Spending 3 weekdays at home with my family in July and having no schedule or responsibility
7) Soeaking up rays at the pool
8) Learning to LET. THINGS. GO.
9) Watching my baby nephew Cooper learn how to smile and giggle when Auntie makes faces @ him
10) Not knowing anything about what my future holds, but realizing everyday is one step closer to greatness.

More to come later. That's pretty good for right now, yes? Well, it's going to have to be...these patient charts won't pull themselves, people....I should also mention the folks @ Sirius Satellite Radio need to take a hiatus from playing ANYTHING John Mayer for like a week....

Up this week?
Today: Argentine Tango @ Overland Park
Tuesday: Ballroom @ North KC
Wednesday: Regrouping/cleaning/preparing for Max!/Darin's bday (Happy Birthday, dance partner!)
Thursday: Ballroom @ North KC
Friday: Relaxing by the pool/heavy drinking/MAX!!!!!!!
Saturday: MAX!!!!!/more heavy drinking
Sunday: Club Ballroom/Private Lesson @ Lee's Summit/SNDC

It's a busy life....but someone's gotta do it. =)

~K