"There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy... Her heart." - Milk Money

Love. Something most people really wish didn't exist only want to fess up to once a year, (February 14th, people…come on!) but few really want to actively maintain. What brings me to the subject so abruptly on a random Tuesday afternoon? It’s a few things, really. As I get older, I get more cynical I see all my friends settling down (getting married) and shatting out little ones (or, having babies) and I have to wonder, in some weird way, does it bother them that they have to get fat for another person is the meaning of life REALLY loving another person or are we setting ourselves up for disappointment? (I’m, for sure, not as shallow deep as I just made myself appear – haha)

I think we all want to truly believe someone loves us we do/have love/ loved another person. Myself – Personally? I feel like there are varying degrees of love. I loved my stuffed animals when I was little, but they got raggedy and I got barbies. Then, when I finally moved on to boys, I found them boring when all they wanted to do was play Power Rangers at lunch (that, and if I wasn’t the pink one – I wasn’t playing!) Fast forward a bit, and you find me in high school. I had serious boyfriends, but no matter how close I got to them, I was a total bitch to them and some lack of interest lingered at the back of my mind, eventually leading to the demise of those relationships.


Fast forward a little more. College. Here’s where it gets tricky. I meet my first real boyfriend that I can have stay over in my dorm room and touch without adult supervision and I feel like we went too far to the other side. I think we literally got sick at the sight of each other, because we got so used to spending every waking moment together. Pause. Isn’t that how it goes though? At the beginning of a relationship, all we want to do is be around another person and before long we’re like “Omg, the sight of you makes me wanna vomit stab you in the eye with a dull knife.” Balance. Finding a balance is hard to do. Where is the point between stabbing someone’s eye out or only seeing them once every few weeks for dinner, that we will truly feel like we’ve found a good balance?

“Am i the only person here who loves to watch a couple together that hates each others guts? That has to be the most entertaining thing when you see two people that just hate each other ..together, and look we've all been there everybody’s been in that situation where you will stay with somebody you don’t even like them. Two weeks in and already you like "pshh", no way. I cant stand this person, I'll hang around for 5 or 6 years then we can end this thing violently.”

Not a Dane Cook fan? It’s cool. He probably wouldn’t be a fan of you either. Moreover, how do we create a balance when we’re taught from childhood that we have a certain age we can reach before the opposite sex won't play doctor with us anymore finds us repulsive and we’re going to end up alone? (Totally thinking about smelly Cat-pee carpet right now…you know you were too…) I think some people are so hell bent on getting married before “x” age, that they forget what REALLY being in love with someone means. So they jump into something completely blinded by fear. Fear of what? Cankles? Saddlebags? The unknown? Who really knows. Fear of facing each day alone. Mostly, it seems like a fear of being trapped with your own thoughts --it can really provoke people to make rash decisions when it comes to love.

Then there’s the other people. (Let’s call this person, I don’t know, ME…) Those who have this idea (and have had since days of playing with said barbies) of what the ultimate dream wedding looks like, but never really being a huge hurry to make it happen. I feel like this is a better balance. It’s the idea I haven’t tried to marry every guy that has came along, but that I’m still OPEN to the idea of love.

If you aren’t calling me a liar falling off your chair from shock at that phrase, I have no idea what would get you at this point… I will say this. I cry during adore sappy music/movies/situations. What I do NOT adore is feeling like some people are so ready to “be in love” they never really ARE. I don’t want the person who I settle for --I want the person I pick to be with, because I am hopefully not knocked up  with no choice so crazy in love with them I can’t imagine a world in which I couldn’t say that to them, in some form, every day of my life.

On that note, I don’t feel like you can chloroform people while they're sleeping into loving you either. Reciprocity is key. If someone doesn’t love you back, why would you want to spend a lifetime with them.?How can you build something on nothing? I will say this – I know for sure you can’t stand on an empty box and put sweaters on the top shelf of your closest, because the box will eventually collapse and you’ll…well you’ll probably feel like a jackass because you admitted it in a public forum – but mostly, you’ll figure out – nothing comes from nothing. (Am I channeling ‘’ The Sound of Music” right now or does it just feel creepily similar?...)

Perhaps the best advice in this situation is just to really focus on we want from every relationship we enter into. Are we looking for someone just to bad touch RIGHT NOW-- or are we really hoping to find that person we find ourselves hiding from in the laundry room, because we just need 10 minutes away from them? In all seriousness – I feel like relationships are built from people truly knowing what they want out of life. Even if we don’t know what that looks like 10 years from now, keeping an open mind and not settling for less than we deserve. Finding the person we want to talk to at the end of a really long day-- and the only thing that comes to mind is "Thank god, you're hot I have you." Above all, never giving up on “love.” ~K