A few weeks ago, I was in Target filling a prescription—and decided to journey over to children’s toys (I had a specific purpose in mind at the time), and as I wandered up and down the aisles…I couldn’t help but notice; there is an entire aisle dedicated to Barbies. Does this seem weird to anyone else? Then I realize, it’s because Barbie has so many different personas and outfits, that Matel had to do something, right? Barbie’s ginormous empire aside, it got me thinking…
How old is the typical Barbie supposed to be? My age? (26) Younger? Older? At what age did Barbie reach her “success?” I studied one for a second before heading over to boys toys (again, specific purpose in mind) and didn’t give it much thought….UNTIL…I was trying to fall asleep last night. I suddenly had this looming thought that I miss the day of actually being able to play with Barbies. Life was so simplistic then. Changing her outfit would change her entire personality for that day. She could be a cook, a gymnast, a princess, etc. How awesome would that be? One day I’m “career Kara” and the next day I’m “visiting Paris Kara.” Everyday could be a new adventure, just by changing my outfit. More specifically—I found myself stuck on the idea that Barbie could put on a wedding dress and be a bride. That was the only stipulation—she had to put on the wedding dress (and matching shoes, if you were lucky enough to still have both of them, a week after she came out of the box), and she was prepared to say her vows to every Ken doll you owned – as often as you liked. (Pretty sure Barbie was a huge slut—but, she was hot…so all the Ken dolls always forgave her.)
So how many of us women, are walking around with this same mentality? All it takes is a wedding dress to make us bride? It really kind of morphed into a completely different thought from there—but, I found myself thinking “I don’t want a wedding….I want someone to share my life with.” I want someone to travel around the world with—taking pictures in front of every cheesy landmark we find. Someone who would take me to a beach with white sand…lay by my side while I basked in the suns rays—but definitely be ready to throw me in water, the second I was off my guard—Just because he likes to see me get MAD and then laugh for hours. Someone who is .241 seconds away from rushing me to the emergency room, every time I feel feverish. Small stuff like this. Why, as adult women, have we become so focused on the wedding/dress-up part of it?
As young girls, there are a few things we learn; 1) Don’t play doctor with the neighborhood boys 2) Girls wear dresses and like “dainty” girlish things. 3) The obvious—and most emphasized; “There is some boy out there, just waiting for you to come along—so he can love you for the rest of your life.” If you’re anything like me—the older you get, the more skeptical you become about this third one. (You also start to think Barbie and Disney overdid these “random occurrences where everyone meets their soul mate and lives happily ever after” scenarios.) Maybe I’m destined to meet guys like Ken dolls—they seem perfect and flawless, but on the inside, they are an empty, hollow, shell of a man. A man who can put on a tux and play the part, but when it comes down to it—he just wants to be guy who gets to walk down the aisle with the selected Barbie of the week. All of us want to be selected—but no one really wants to follow through with the “happily ever after” part.
We want to go through life, feeling important and special, but we don’t really want to put forth the effort to be with another person. I believe it was Marilyn Monroe who famously said; "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." This could not be more true when it comes to my perception on love. I realize I have not (nor, have I been anywhere close) to perfect. I have, however—been a good person. A loving person. A supportive person—and above all—a FORGIVING person. Where has it REALLY gotten me?
Taking this a step further—I’ve started to realize, there aren’t a lot of guys out there, who deserve any woman at her best. You’ve all become so used to us playing “dress-up” in whatever outfit we choose—albeit a business suit, or wedding gown—that you have started to take who we really are, for granted. You use us. You treat us like we’re replaceable. Like at any given moment—something better will come along. Maybe it’s my traditional belief system, but I am an adamant supporter of the phrase “a true gentleman will never let a lady fall, unless he intends to catch her.”
Personally, I want a guy who still knows how to open a door for a lady--who walks on the sidewalk next to me, closest to the street, in a protective manner. The guy who always lets me order first, asks if I need anything before he gets comfortably seated, and will slow dance with me at 3am to slow country music, even under the least romantic of conditions. Maybe this all seems one sided—but, I also believe a woman should be the kind of woman that a man WANTS to be better for. So, what should we be doing in return? We should light up when you enter a room—believe in you, no matter how down you feel. We should support you, no matter how rough it gets. Occasionally, trace soft circles on your back before you fall asleep, showing we understand there is a sensitive side to you, and we appreciate that. We should feel all teary eyed when you feel pain. Things like this, should NOT be hard! These are not unrealistic expectations from EITHER side. So…why are we all so…fake?
Maybe we need to STOP living in a world where we can wear different faces/personas each day, and try our best to be GOOD people. Consistent people. People who understand no matter how many outfits and personalities we can wear, that it’s what INSIDE that counts. We should teach our children that. We should make sure they understand that make believe and dress up, are never the same as the real thing. We should also remember—Barbie and Ken’s heads are full of air (and sometimes water if they get loose in the bathtub), and that no rational thinking human would ever choose someone who looks like a good package from the OUTSIDE, without really understanding what makes them a worthwhile person. Until we all start to understand that, eventually we have to grow up—the fantasy and make believe have to fade away— and we have to find something worth KEEPING—then, we are all doomed to make the same relationship mistakes OVER…and OVER…and OVER again. Not this girl though. (I got mad at my Barbie’s for being such slutty bitches, and eventually cut all their hair off, so Ken didn’t want to marry them.) I’m looking for the REAL thing. ~K
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