"But there's so much time to figure out the rest of my life--And you've already got me coming undone..."

Recently, I’ve found myself having this reoccurring dream – three times in the past two weeks – and it’s gotten so engrained in my psyche, that I can picture the images dancing vividly in my mind even during the day. Sometimes I find myself staring out the window, becoming lost in this cloudy haze of wishful thinking mixed with anticipation for some kind of meaning…

This is not like my normal reoccurring dreams – no one is crazily falling off a cliff, or trying to physically harm me – for that matter, it’s not even violent remnants of some crazy repressed childhood memory that would make any behavioral psychologist yearn to pick my brain   – this one, is…different. Now, if you remember anything about my dream posts – I always dream in very DISTINCT detail. Each time I have the dream, more details start to emerge. (Think back to the birthday dream I had a while back, kind of like that….)

In this dream I always wake up IN the dream. I’m lying on the side of a grassy covered hill, sprinkled with dandelions-- and I’m trying to focus on my surroundings. I can hear people talking in the distance, but no one is directly near me. I’ve obviously been sleeping for a while, because my skin is hot enough that I’m starting to become uncomfortable. It’s summer. It’s VERY hot. Hot enough that even lying here in a bikini with a small black cover-up has made me want to ditch the cover-up and swim out into the lake the lies before me. Across my chest, a copy of “People” magazine rests, half stuck to me from all the tanning oil I’ve slathered on. Figures. I’d be reading this trashy stuff instead of studying for class. I look over to the stuff scattered around me...

 I see spots as I try to focus – I’ve been sleeping with my face toward the sun and I have to put my hand in front of my face to shield it out as I look around, trying to figure out what’s going on. Next to me, lies a copy of “Organizational Development” (the huge Gallos book I read for every class.) Again—it figures I would be reading people instead of studying for class. Speaking of class…what day is it? I look for my phone and find it resting underneath a purple and black bag containing my sandals, tanning oil, sunglasses (not on my face??) and two bottles of water. Wait. Two? Who else is with me?

I find my phone. The background has changed. For months, it’s been a picture of stargazer lilies, and now? It’s a picture of two people smiling. Not the kind of smile that comes in those stupid frames from Wal-Mart that you can tell those two people just met 5 minutes before that photo shoot – No, this is one of those “these people are HAPPY” type of smiles. Is this person WITH me?...Where are they NOW? My phone tells me it’s Wednesday. So…I’m sitting out in the middle of a field on a Wednesday. I want to panic—why am I not at work? Do I have class tonight? I spend about thirty seconds trying to get my bearings, but have NO recollection of why I’m here, or who brought me here? I give up on worrying about work and school—something about this still serene setting, makes it really hard to care. Besides, I really have NO idea where I am. I couldn’t get back for either of those things if I wanted to.

I start to grow concerned that I’m alone out here. There are people on the other side of this hill, because I can hear them laughing and popping open the top of aluminum cans, toasting to something that I can’t specifically make out by the words. I resist the urge to call out to them, because none of the voices sound familiar. I stand up and look around. It resembles somewhere far from the city – there are only little dirt paths and tall grass everywhere around. I turn completely around and see lawn chairs up at the top of a taller hill in the distance.

I start walking in that direction. No one in sight. Hummm… this gets more and more curious. Then I hear my name. I turn around, so startled – that my hair whips me in the face as I stumble to remain balanced. The sun is BLAZING in the direction my name is being called, but I recognize the voice immediately.

Then it was like something from the movies. I remember a hand reaching out for mine – what it felt like when our fingers locked, but we never really make eye contact. It’s like watching the shadow of two people walking away together. NOW, I could tell you it was just a dream (who would the other person be, right?) –or, I could tell you it’s just WISHFUL. THINKING. Either way, it was a pretty good dream. J ~K