Mishaps with Strangers, Vol. 1: Kara's Dating Demographic

So, here it is…a new installment I like to call someone, please read this “Mishaps with Strangers.” It would seem lately, that everywhere my friends and I go…something CRAZY happens when we black out with some strange people we don’t know...or sometimes even care to know. (Hateful, but we all think that at some point.) Not that all of these encounters are BAD…I just decided I need to document all the things that have led me to go off on crazy rants on my blog….



Volume 1: Kara’s Dating Demographic


So (a really long and drawn out story just for my amusement) – recently, Eva and I decided to road trip out to the Legends and hit up Nebraska Furniture Mart. Now, if you’re Eva, you have to point out that it’s flippin’ cold and I’m stupid for wearing high heels because NO ONE else wears heels to do everything except sleep in NFM—rude, but the point is that we gussied up and made the trek out there. (The high heel note was totally unnecessary, but if you know me at all, the fact I had on my cute silver Guess heels that I spent a small fortune on and make my feet feel like they might fall off, was worth mentioning.)

We looked at TV’s….like REALLY REALLY big, STUPIDLY large TV’s that would make any male porn star look like he was packing…and noticed that for every patron in NFM there were like 20 sales people. I feel sorry for them if they work on commission, for sure. Then we looked at tables (I totally found Eva the cutest effin’ wine rack that ever existed – it looks like a crazy tree with the branches all intertwined and that’s where the wine bottles sit) and tried out a bunch of furniture before deciding it was dinner time and heading off to Longhorn Steakhouse. (Think what you want about what we ordered for dinner, but there’s nothing more satisfying than a juicy romp in the sheets steak dinner with your best gal pal to make your night spectacular..)

Now – what happens from here is sheer coincidence. Since we’re out this way shopping, we decide to go to Jerry’s Bait Shop in Lenexa and watch The Disappointments because we're total band groupies and what else would we do? (Hopper’s band) play—even though we HARDLY EVER travel outside of the Northland to watch bands. About the furthest we ever go is to the plaza, but we felt adventurous that night, I suppose. So we get to Lenexa….(after we do a drive by and realize there are only like 5 other guys at Jerry’s at this point, so we totally look like weirdo stalkers—the band loves us, however…so they weren’t too shocked we were there..hah),

We go to the CRAZY little hole in the wall gas station where the attendant who should be inside, is sitting in his car revving the engine in front of the place like maybe he robbed it and we caught him as he was driving off but decided to help us out as one last hoo-rah…..WHHAAAAAT? This placed already looked like raper-ville…why make it worse by doing that crap? So, we both go in…and since I’m not really smokin’ these days, I grab a pack of gum to give myself some sense of worth in this pointless journey.

We finally end up at Jerry’s. Within the first 10 minutes of being in this place, we figured out why we’re not going to touch anything really that into hanging out there. The stage is like .111111111112 inches away from your face and it’s super loud and crowded in there. We see Felicia, walk over to her table, and decide to make the best out of it. So……we decide to take shots and get crazy. Wow. We REALLY got crazy. We start dancin’ up a storm and touchin’ each others boobs (we get really fascinated with each others chests when we’re drinking…)

THEN...like the greatest sixth grade dance party recreated minus the awkard ass out hugs – a woman approaches me to ask if I’m seeing anyone. I know what you’re thinking – TOTALLY hittin’ on me.  Yup.Nope. She has a “friend” who “thinks I’m the prettiest woman in there.” Yeaaaaaah right. So I answer this question to what I thought was “are you dating?” I said “no” – which, upon further thought she probably meant RIGHT NOW (not as a general question), as to which I should have said YES, however – it only got more interesting from here. She goes away for a little bit and as I’m standing there talking to Felicia, the tallest man that could have fit in this bar motions for me to come toward him…Now-..TIME OUT. You are totally thinking the same thing I am. “This is how people end up in ditches at 4am and when their friends are interviewed on the news they sob about how she was a smart girl who never did foolish things like this…until they took her out of her comfort zone and drug her to some crazy little hole in the wall bar.” (Maybe a stretch, but you get it…) TIME IN…

So I go over there. My friends are all of two feet away (there wasn’t really a lot of space for them to leave me roam in this sardine can, so I wasn’t TOO worried…) This guy tells me all the things guys tell you when they see you and their only other prospects look like something between Elvira and women so desperate they must have 15 kids…so I didn’t really take it to heart. The next question was my FAVORITE. How old are you? There are two ways to answer this question…the sassy way: “too young for you if you have to ask” or the fun way: “how old do you think I am?” I chose the second. He said “late 20’s.” (Lie. No one thinks I’m in my late 20s – even the waitress that was seriously 19 and looked at least 5 years older than me couldn’t help but spit out a slew of word vomit that sounded something like “OMGyoulooklikeMileyCyrus” in one breath—I wasn’t buying it. ) 26. Ok. He thinks for a second. “Do you have a cut off age?” No guy under 36 ever asks me this. I think for a second. “Maybe….how old are you?” He says “42.”

Now. I’m gonna go ahead and stop you there. There are these rules that exist when people are certain ages and hitting on women way to young for them you are “only as young as you feel” but really? That’s like the third guy in his 40’s to hit on me in 2 weeks. Pretty sure this has become my demographic. I’m almost to the point where I’m embracing this. (These are some pretty handsome 40 year old men…)—but, I’m still getting used to it. Especially, when they have kids that are 18. I’m closer to their kids age than theirs…BUT…aren’t men supposed to go through these insane mid-life crisis’ where they decide younger women are the “it” thing to make them feel better?

The better question here is how am I supposed to feel about this? I have PLENTY of friends in their 30s/40s, but I have the face resembling that of a tween pop senstation that people fail to realize is YOUNGER than me. I can’t fathom anyone older than 27 even taking me seriously. Ridiculous. Important side note: I don’t care how old Moshe Kasher is – I LOVE him and would have tons of little Jewlets with him. He can be the nerdy Jew that rocks my world ANY day of the week…I digress – point being, what’s going on with dudes these days? What provokes men to approach women almost half their age and think they will find much in common? The obvious exception to this rule is the “man-boy child.” The one who regardless of his real age in human years, is actually closer to my age in personality traits than he’d care to admit. I will just assume these are the guys I’m attracting…

In conclusion – I am either a silver fox magnet, or all guys my age just really find me that repulsive. Either way, it’s leading to a strange series of run-ins with very interesting men boys. Let’s just say… if I ever actually go on a date with one of these guys – that will be a MUCH more interesting post or my dad having a new best friend. ~K